A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 27 years old and have been in a relationship with my girl for 4 years now. We met on the internet, and at first we were just internet friends, but one thing led to another and to make the long story short, she moved from her country to my own and now we are planing to get married. We have been living together for a few months and now I have a big problem. No matter what I do or how hard I try I just cannot make her happy or satisfied with me. One moment she loves me and is all over me, the other she is yelling at me or she is acting like she wants to break up, but the worst thing is I don't even know what pissed her off so much. I knew about her mood swings ever since I met her, but I thought it would change once we started living together. I thought, once I start treating her like a queen, once I make her life a heaven, she will have no reason to be angry at me. So I started cooking for her, doing all the house work, everything she wanted, but like I said... she always finds some silly thing to be pissed about. For example, when we go rent movies she takes forever to decide what movies to take. I suggest some movies, but she starts thinking I am rushing her and she gets pissed off by it. Or.. when she sends me to the store and I bring different cookies then she wanted, cause the store is out of the ones she wanted, she gets crazy angry at me. Silly things like that piss her off so much, she stops talking to me for hours, or days sometimes.I really love her, and I know she loves me so there is no way I want to break up with her, but what can I do to stop her mood swings? The only time she can be happy for more than one day is after good sex. But her mood changes are a big turn off for me, because I have started doubting in our future together. I also bust my ass off at my job, then when I get home I serve her like I was her slave, so by the end of the day I feel so exhausted I don't have the energy for sex. That makes her extremely hostile, which only makes me more worried about our future and more turned off. I don't know what to do anymore... :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): I noticed about half way through this that you said you already knew about her mood swings, but you thought she would change. She wont.
Im female, my partner sounds a bit like yours, i know he loves me, he cares for me and most the time its good, however he takes a hell of a lot of pleasing, like you i bust my arse off in my job etc, and he is often like your partner, moody and angry and swings very quickly. Like you this has it's effect on me too. ive found myself quickly becoming more moody and etc than i ever used to be.
However, if shes always been like this she will not change, but you can do things to make it better. Sit down and talk to her, explain how you feel and be honest with her, ask her to help you out a bit rather than straight having a go.
A
male
reader, MyDestiny  +, writes (1 March 2009):
 i think you shouldn't as you say say it "treat her like a queen" anymore....dont be that attentive to her for like a month...to make her appreciate what she has..a really gudd guy...aand if she comes and asks you why you have been different all month
tell her exacttly what's on your mind..tell her that you were trying to teach her a lesson, to get her to stop treating you like crap, and stop getting so angry about every thing you do
gudd luk
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A
female
reader, angelnikita  +, writes (1 March 2009):
Hey there 4 years is a long time and its good u still love each other because u can both work out whats going wrong, try telling her how u feel and tell her that her anger at u all the time is hurting u deeply and u really love her and want this relationship to work but u will not stand for her anger at u for no reason any more and tell her to see her doctor abt why she is feeling this way and ask to be referd to anger management go with her for support is it allmost everyday or just some days maybe she can hav pms which can be fixed by drugs which the doctor can pescribe for her and if shes not willing to try and see her doctor or counceling and her anger continues then i am sorry but do u really want to be tied down to some one who is abusiv to u because if she is like this now then it will get worse when u marry. i hope it all works out for u good luck
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 March 2009):
 This is an excellent question.
You can't "make" one person do this or that, unless you "force" them to. Also, there is no way to stop people from doing something if they still have a reason to do so.
I think that her moving to your country can be one of the real reasons why she's abusive all the time. She left everything behind for you, and perhaps she found you're not exactly what she expected, but not "bad" enough to leave you behind. So she's trying to make the deal more to her liking.
That is one possible reason. Another possible reason can be that she is just abusive, plainly and simply, and, since you have already shown you adore her, she's trying to see how much she can extort from you. Her coming to your country can be a powerful reason to demand more and more: "You see, I did all this for you, so now you need to do this and this and this and this and this.... for me. And that, too".
But, I'm speculating. You know better.
I think you need to go the liberated woman's way. One fine day, throw the dustpan and the apron away, wipe those stains of mustard off your face, maybe comb your hair, and ask her to talk to you. Tell her that you're trying to do your best to be with her because you love her, and you are sad to see it is not working. Ask her if she will do her part. You will hear a lot of things after you say this, maybe screaming, et cetera, but stand your ground and wait to see if anything changes permanently and for the better. If not, leave her, as it wouldn't work anyways and she'll be better off in her country of origin and/or with another man.
By the way, if you're tired for sex, say so. Say something like "Oh, the dustpan turned me on that much that I went to bed with it and now have no energy for you. I might recover a bit if I watch an episode of "Desperate Housewives" or two".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): You've every reason to doubt your future with her and the only advice I can possibly give is don't get married to her - it'll end in an expensive divorce in no time at all.
I think you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that your future does not lie with this woman. If I were you I'd send her back to where she came from. She's the one that should be busting her ass off to make sure you get a warm welcome when you get home from work, especially if she's not working herself, not the other way round.
You're letting her treat you like a doormat my friend. It will only get worse. The more you try to please her the more pissed off she'll be about anything and everything. Do yourself a really big favour - dump her, send her back home and find a woman that appreciates you.
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A
female
reader, PLAYFUL +, writes (1 March 2009):
 well there not much u could do she the one that has to stop so she must care a lot about you so just give her a bit more love........
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