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age
36-40,
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writes: Hello,I've been dating a guy for around 6 months now and I am completely in love with him. He is unlike anyone I have ever met before. I would even go as far as to say that he is my ideal man.My background is that I was in a 7 year relationship from 15 years of age. That broke down an ended horribly at a time where I was suffering with depression from losing my father. It didn't help that my ex was uncooperative and intentionally manipulated me at a time when I was vulnerable. After ending this (end of my tether) I have been on a couple of 2 - 5 month relationships with two people who were admittadley rebounds and were only used to "fill a void".Now I am with my new boyfriend, I couldn't be happier. However, I have a strange obsession with his past. I obsess over his previous girlfriend. He has told me that he never really had a successful love life after a series of 2 month, lacklustre relationships. He even resorted to signing upto casual sex sites (which I found while with him) to meet people. He then met his last girlfriend and had his longest relationship (8 months. He tells me that it didn;t really mean much to him in hindsight but it sounds to me like he was besotted with her but she, like I did, was simply rebounding with him. This make me feel like he is only with me because he couldn't have her. I know that sounds pathetic.I constantly think about this and I have told him everything I feel and I have even sought counselling. I feel so possessive over him and I hate the thought of him even so much as liking someone in the past. It drives me crazy that she may be "better" than me.What can I do? Is this normal?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 December 2013):
 There is really nothing you do. You imagine the worst case scenario that she really was "better" than you, and that he's still thinking about her (which is unlikely). Then you accept this worst case scenario and tell yourself that even if it's true, you can cope with it because someone would just like you for who you are. So you don't waste time thinking what if. You are constantly thinking about this because you are fighting this possibility. Why not challenge your fear head on and say to yourself, if you two are not right for each other, then you are not right for each other. He had the right to like someone in the past and so do you. If he's rebounding with you because she rebounded with him, then he's just wasting your time and you should not take it personally because when your mind is preoccupied with someone else you can't see a new person's goodness. It's not that you are not good enough. When a person is stuck in the past no one could ever compete with a ghost image.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2013): Obsession is a strong word. It means you're fixated on a person or an idea. So if you're fixated over his ex, you will drive him away; and that's that.
Continue your counseling and get a boyfriend when you have your emotional issues under control.
I doubt this relationship will last. You can't settle down and just be happy.
You're caught up in your obsession; so it can't be that great for him. So when you become too difficult to deal with; he'll end it, and leave you to get the help you need.
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