A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Okay, heres my predicament and I just want some feed back from people to see if i'm being out of line. My girlfriend of a couple years has always maintained a friendship with her ex. Him and their group of friends have always been close for years. I've never been entirely comfortable with it, but because I love her I've grown to accept that she'll have this platonic relationship with her ex. The issue is that my girlfriend, this same group of friends and her ex are planning on traveling as a group to do a weeks worth of partying in New York over New Years and I'm unable to go. Now this group of friends is not the most morally minded and tend toward excessive drinking and partying. What bothers me is that her ex is a compulsive womanizer and according to her on occassion solicits her for sex! I don't want to be a 'controlling' boyfriend but the thought of all of them staying in the same hotel room for a week, with nights of excessive, sleepless drinking and her ex possibly making sexual propositions to her the whole time tends to drive me to the point of paranoia. I do trust her yet this situation would push me to the brink of it and my sanity. Do I ask her to respect my concern and not go, or tell her to have at it and hope for the best?
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female
reader, Lily Bell +, writes (26 December 2007):
Truly Unique made a point but there is always the other side of the coin. In my opinion there is absolutely nothing wrong with voicing your concerns and asking her not to go. Relationships are all about communication. I personally think it inappropriate that she go but that is only my opinion and I think I am probably a lot older (44) and have lived through situations such as these. But what is right for me is not necessarily right for anybody else. My ex also happens to be my best friend. We both have significant others. I probably would not travel with him anywhere alone, or with a group of people that did not involve our significant others. All relationships are different -- this sounds like a defining point in your relationship. There is no right answer so good luck.
A
female
reader, truly_unique  +, writes (25 December 2007):
Hi, im just going to add my femine input to this, even if its just going to state the obvious. She is YOUR girlfriend..which means she likes you..he is her EX..which means she doesnt like him in that way anymore..It WONT just be him and her in one hotel room and if anything were to happen im sure they would want privavy which they wont get when travelling with people who KNOW you and her are together. You do have a point and im sure its not very comfortable for you but if she said no to sex with him before she probably say no again. You may not trust him but you do trust her. Talk to her..tell her you dont trust him and shes less likely to do anything..and make sure u have a lot of money on both your mobiles because she will probably just ending up calling you and speding and hour drunkly saying how much you mean to her and how she wished you were with her on new yearsg0od luck buddy
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think its more that im concerned with how peer pressure and alchohol abuse can lead to an erosion of ones character in certain questionable situations as I've seen happen before. Even if you trust your girlfriend few men would encourage them to get really drunk at a bachelor party and spend the night.
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A
male
reader, BA +, writes (24 December 2007):
She is your girlfriend. That implies you like her as she is. If she is the type that may party and sleep with her EX and you don't like that could be she is not the one for you. She is who she is, like it or not and you are not likely to change that.
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