A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What should I think about my girlfriend checking her xboyfriends facebook page even though she unfriended him and can't see anything but his profile pic which isn't even a picture of him?He was a bit of trouble in our relationship in the beginning but she has since turned into the most loving girlfriend i've ever had. she's not deceitful but when it comes to ex's no one is to be trusted. Its been great but this little tidbit is throwing me off and keeping me from getting too committed. Should i be concerned that she checks it almost everyday? or is it a habit of hers that will eventually go away? I know its one of those things where you can say "its not meant for your eyes" and "how would you like it if she went through all your stuff, there's probably things you want to hide from her too". But the difference with this is that this guy was an issue and she knows its a sensitive subject and if i did see it, it could be a deal breaker.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (30 December 2011):
 You should be concerned. If she's still checking it every day, that means she is not over him. However, it might not be that she still has feelings for him as in she would drop you in a second. It's more likely that the breakup was nasty and her ego isn't letting the matter go. Sometimes when someone feels rejection, they can't control their obsession for this mythical "closure". Basically, what she is doing is less pining for him and more masochism for herself. It's kinda like picking a scab you know would heal much faster if you left it alone.
Likewise, she's still picking at this emotional scab of hers. You should talk to her and be honest. Even someone who can't get over how a relationship ended is still allowing an ex to be injected into a current relationship.
Now, if she's still pining for him, then that's a big issue. It sounds like she loves you. If she does, she has a right to know that her obsessive attention to the goings-on of her ex is bothering you and concerning you. Three is a crowd, even if it's an emotional crowd. She may not realize how it's making you feel.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (30 December 2011):
 If he's her ex-boyfriend - how long has he BEEN an "ex" by the way? I don't know why she should be checking his Facebook profile on a daily basis. I could understand she MIGHT want to check it occasionally if he was having a lot of problems - for instance once every six months at most - but nearly every day is way too excessive.
She's apparently obsessed with him - though it's possible she's not wanting to go back to being with him.
I would recommend you sit down and have a talk with her - when you are both in a calm frame of mind - and gently ask her what's going on; why does she feel the need to keep looking at his profile, and see what she says.
I hope it won't turn out to be a deal-breaker, but I mean to say, you can't go on like this. You need to know whether she is invested in her relationship with you or not and if so, to what extent. Perhaps you and she haven't been dating very long???
Anyway, good luck, and do feel free to write again if you want more advice, or ask us another question.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): I think that your the problem here, you state when it come's to ex's no-one is to be trusted! Obviously you find yourself to not be trustworthy when it comes to ex's and you think everyone is like you! It probably is just a habit, and no you shouldn't be spying. you obviously have trust issues, No Trust=No re;ationship. He was an issue in your relationship, probably because you made him one, you tend to think that no-one can truly be over there ex and still be friends with them. You should be working on your trust issues and not spying on your girlfriend. your lack of trust should be a deal breaker!
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