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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend is very spoilt, i've only just come to realise. She gets 'everything' done for her by her mother, such as breakfast in bed every morning and college work on occasion. She also gets a ton of gifts and stuff from her mum and her room spotlessly tidy every day. And I know that most mums do this kind of thing but I feel my girlfriend has been spoilt far far to much to the point now if she doesn't get her own way she will be funny with me. She thinks I'm making excuses if I can't pick her up from places and if I don't fancy driving somewhere.Will she change? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (15 May 2007):
 You've been together almost a year and a half so you should be able to talk to her about this but do it as a game, that way it won't come across as being blunt. Ask her to tell you 3 things she likes about you, then of course you tell her 3 things you like about her (that should make her feel good) then ask her 3 things she doesn't like about you, after some thought, she should be able to give you 3 things, that's when you have your chance. You tell her 3 things you don't like about her and of course one of them should be that you think she's spoiled and likes to get her own way. She won't like it but let her know you've seen in happen more and more as she's getting older. Give her examples as she'll ask for them. She might throw a tantrum or go in a mood but again you can say to her "see what I mean?"
Everyone can change, it's whether she is WILLING to change that matters. Maybe once you point this out to her she'll really think about it and try hard to act in a less selfish spoiled way. If she doesn't then you'll need to sit down and ask yourself if this is the kind of girl you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Eve
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShes 16, shes the only girl and we've been together now for 1 year and 5 months and she has only really started to change into a different person.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): Tell her straight that life isnt always about getting everything thing you desire, be strict with her, lay down some rules.
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (11 May 2007):
How old is your girlfriend? Is she an only child? How long have you both been together?
Eve
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2007): Of course she can change, hun. Anyone can change-it's a choice. In your gf's case...she may just have to get out of the home and live on her own-get a taste of what it's like to be on her own and not have Mom doing everything for her. I have seen it happen to many people They seem to flourish out on their own, making their own decisions and many do better away from indulgent parents. On the other side of the fence, I will admit..it will be tougher for her if she enjoys the pampered life. The truth is that overindulging your kids can undermine their competence and confidence, when they do set out into the big world. Your gf's Mom is doing her no favors, spoiling her in this way. Sadly, some parents are confuse permissiveness with love. Not a healthy way to raise their kids. And it's well known that when young people are spoiled, they can lack responsible behaviors well into adulthood, because they never 'had' to learn. Self-discipline and self control are important values for all kids to learn and it should be well in place by the time they are young adults and/orolder adults. . If your gf get's "funny' as you put it, it could mean she has difficulty coping with disappointments. She may have a distorted sense of entitlement that may get in the way of a successful relationship, in all aspects of her life. I think the best thing to do, is nicely make her aware of her behaviors. She has to remember, that relationships in life about giving, not expected to be 'given to'. If this becomes to much for you to bear...over time-you may have to reassess the relationship and ask if you can cope with this aspect of her personality. No one can say for sure, if she'll change. For some people, change for the positive comes with maturity and growth. You could give her the time she needs to get there...and still be supportive of her in a loving way. You can also help to understand how she needs to work on herself to becoming a more independent, confident, responsible person. Weigh all the good and bad factors here and if you feel she's worth it- then give this your best shot. It's your decision, dear. Take care and good luck to you.
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (11 May 2007):
 I don't know about others, but my mom stopped cleaning my room when I was 5. It's unlikely that she will change, especially if she has no reason to. (Would YOU want to change from having someone do everything for you if you didn't have to?)
You'll need to talk to her. Try to keep it light and teasing, but you need to get it said.
If you want to piss her off, the next time she gets huffy about you not doing what she wants, you might say "I'm not your mother." (Remember, this will piss her off.) If you can find another way to say it that's not confronting her, you'd be better off.
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