A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My gf is pregnant. We've been together for 5 years. I don't want to keep it. She didn't want to either, but now just accepts it and wants to keep it. We rarely even have sex and she was on the pill, of course this has to happen. She just looks at the positives of it, ignores the negatives, while I look at all the negatives, which imo outweigh the positives. She is not the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know I can't be angry with her choice, but I am. I am not ready, and if she's not the one I want to be with forever, I don't feel it's fair to myself, or having a baby together. I just feel like my life will be over after having a kid. I know it's not, and there are a lot of joys, etc etc., but that is not what I want right now. Yes, maybe I'm being selfish, but I can't help it, and it's my life too. I don't really have anyone to talk to either, so that's why I'm posting here.If I could see myself with her in the long run, then I would accept it, even if I wasn't ready. I tried breaking up with her only a few months ago too, which makes this worse. I am going to be stuck with her forever after this.
View related questions:
the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, zozeys  +, writes (31 January 2010):
well if you dont see yourself in a reletionship with her in a years times y are u with her. considering you dont think your gonna be with her she she haf her way and keep the baby. ur messing with her head m8!
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (31 January 2010):
 STop feeling stuck. I have a nephew who became a dad at the very tender age of 18 - he and his girlfriend did try living together at first, but my nephew was quite immature and not ready to give up being a young single man.
Now, even though the mother and child live some distance away there is a very strong bond between father and son, he comes to visit during school breaks and my nephew, and his family often travel and spend time with the child.
It can work, but only if all parties are interested in making it work, and this doesnt just mean you and her, but your parents and hers too. I do hope it works out for you, it will be tough, but stick at it and persevere, there was a biblical saying, "cast your bread upon the water and it will come back tenfold" . Again I wish you luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Thanks for the replies.
I told her a few months ago I didn't see us ever getting married and I didn't want a relationship anymore. Some things came up, that kind of got pushed back, and she chose to ignore it and pretend it didn't happen.
I would take financial responsibilites. And I would be a dad. But being with her because of a kid is the hard part. And having the kid have to deal with us not together bothers me too. We were together for 5 years because it just kinda became 'normal' and routine. We're more like roommates and not lovers. That's why I tried to end it months ago, the attraction is not there anymore.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): if u didn't want to be with her for long, why did u sleep with her even if it wasn't very often?!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): I'm sorry you are feeling stuck. Your life is not over, and you will see this eventually. You need to be very understanding of her right now, as this is an extremely hard time for her and there are VERY GOOD reasons she is focusing on the positives. I'm sure she is aware of the negatives, but you can't focus on those when you're in her shoes. She would go crazy!!! Try to understand that. Now is not a time to be selfish. Also, this isn't just her fault she is pregnant!!!! This was unexpected and she is trying to deal with the situation the best that she is can.
As for the fact you think she isn't the one, is it this situation that brought this realization to light? There must be a reason you stuck it out for 5 years. Relationships take work to keep the romance alive and your not always going to feel that "loving feeling." Trust me!! It seems you gave up on her a while ago, and should have been honest then or at least stuck with what you were going to do. Now? IF you're 100% sure she is not the one, you should let her know, but with her family and your family, etc. like the previous person's suggestion. Don't let hear it alone--it's not the time and even if she is not expressing it, she's terrified already! But reconsider how you feel for her and why you were with her for 5 years. Relationships can be healed. Romance can be reborn. People give up too easily these days. That is all. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (30 January 2010):
no, you dont have to be stuck, however you do need to acknowledge that you are going to have a child who is going to require, as a minimum, your financial and material support for at least the next 18 years (now do you understand why older people say DONT HAVE SEX).
You need to get together everybody involved, ie you, her, her parents and your parents and work out what whats going to be best for everybody in this situation.
Be honest with them, tell them that you dont want to spend the rest of your life with her, and that you are not interested in being part of the baby's life, reassure your soon to be ex girlfriend that despite this you accept your financial responsibilities and that you will put plans in place now, for the baby's future.
Your mother, and other family members, however, may chose to be part of this baby's life and that is why I am suggesting a round table discussion, all cards on tables, so that everybody knows where everybody else stands, and everybody can get on with it.
You have to realise that you are not going to come out of this situation smelling of roses, its more likely you will come out smelling like horse manure, but thems the breaks.
...............................
|
