A
male
age
30-35,
*acinbuntu
writes:Hi, my gf and I been dating for 3 years. for the 3 years.. we always spoke about how no other person could replace either of us.. she promised to be with me forever and that no other guy was better than me. We were a cute couple.. and we now know almost everything to know about each other.. we spent more than 12 hours a day just talking for the first 2 and a half years! than college.. we both got stressed.. in a stress rage I saw her eyes look at me in fear.. and thought she didn't deserve me so i said she should leave me.. than walked out.. not to long after. (within that day) i apologized and explained why I said such a thing. than she admitted to having a crush on a guy! a guy near her dorm room (did i mention we go to diff colleges) the guy is one of her only friends at college. And I'm sure he hasn't made a move. but she just likes him..she is now telling me she doesn't love me as much as she use to. and would never give me answers to about how much she likes him or me. she seems to have decided she does not want to be with me but doesn't wanna hurt me.she also seems sure that guy wont go out with her. so she says she wont leave me! yet.. she doesn't love me as much because of this crush.. and she seems to avoid me.. like not answer her texts in 10 hours.. when she use to answer them in 5mins.. even during college while she still loved me 110%.She seems to really care about me and my feelings.. yet my gut feels like I'm losing her. and that she is moving away. i asked her if the guy she likes asked her out.. what would she do. she honestly said: I'd run away.. than i don't know. that means either way! or yes! Am i losing my true love? she is very loyal to me. but my gut has never been so turned over.. it really feels like.. I'm a default.. if another guy asks her out.. I'm obsolete! Please help :'(
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male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (9 December 2010):
If I had a dollar for every time I've heard this story... seriously this happens so much more often than you'd think, especially with this age group in long distance relationships.Yes, you have become her "default," to put it harshly enough. Going to college changes everything. She makes new friends, has a new exciting lifestyle, is surrounded by tons of people. She probably has friends who can go out and have a good time, yet she feels she's "tied down" because of her relationship at home. Slowly, her love for you starts turning into resentment. It truly is a tragedy.At this point there is nothing much you can do. I would honestly make it clear to her how much it is hurting you to hear her wavering in her love for you. If she doesn't see how unfair she's being to you, then there may be no point in going on. I know it doesn't sound that great of an option, especially when you love her so much, but if she's not returning the favor it will never work out. And seeing as you two are separated by college, things may get worse before they get better.When you come together I'm sure things are much better, but the problem is you spend the majority of your time apart, meaning she has loads of time to be with anyone but you. She'll start creating more attachments at her school until she starts giving up everything she had at home (family, old friends, and yes, relationships)I, for one, wouldn't take it. Leave with your dignity. Express your concern and how much she has hurt you by avoiding you and obviously liking another guy. If she doesn't seem to care, then sorry buddy, she just doesn't care about you anymore. And trust me, you're better off getting out of something like that as soon as you can.
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