A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:its valentines day. long story short. im in a ldr with a girl because of her school but we see each other often. im affectionate, romantic, gentleman kind of guy and she is not much affectionate, she never let her guard down, she is cold as a snow queen. but inspite of it we love each other very much. i guess she has different ways to show me she cares. i just still have to find out how. we have been together for 9 months and today its valentines. she is coming to see me for a couple of weeks next week. however today she did not call, text or message to tell me she loves me or anything sweet. that completely upset me and im sad because im very disapointed. i feel her lack of interest in valentines its an eye opener to me that we may not be compatible at all. im not the clingy kind of guy, but i seriously think that is like a deadly sin not to show how much you care for your partner in this day. i sent her a letter and a drawing made by myself regarding this day and how much i miss her. she got it a couple of days ago. all she did was sending me a message thru FB about how crappy her day was and nothing else. any thoughts? she knows how important valentines was for me....im thinking to break up with her before she comes and send her the money she spent for her flight ticket.
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 Hi, If she does not have much money and invested $900 on a ticket to see you that in it self should be a valentines day gift.
THis just might where you expect something tangible and she shows her love in the ways that she thinks its important, like a flight to be with you.
You need to see beyond a physical gift and how she demonstartes her love.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 February 2013):
 from your update OP I can tell you, that this girl will never be the wife you want.
she's not one to talk about her feelings. her actions speak for her.
I much preferred being told I love you by my partner...every other man I've ever been with who loved me told me regularly.
My current husband is not one for hearts and flowers and never says I love you. Well not never... he told me twice before we were married, he told me at the wedding (so I would have it on a recording) and he got really scary medical news yesterday and he told me last night when he came to bed.... I used to need to hear it all the time... I've learned that his actions tell me he loves me not his words and that anyone can say "I love you" and it may not be true...
you say the thing is that when you are together things are fine.... well how much longer will you guys have to be LDR?
if you weren't LDR would you be ok with her level of affection?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe is coming to see me on monday, so i need to make a desicion asap. when we are together she is different, she is affectionate, but only physically. she holds hands, she kisses but never say any sweet word. she has tell me she loves me only 3 or 4 times so far.she has done things that make me think she loves me, like introduced me with her parents and friends, stayed with her at her patents home on christmas, done sexual things that in my own perspective a girl could do it only if she reallly loves the guy. she is a student and doesnt have much money and inspite of it she bought her plane ticket with her own money to see me. flight is usually over 900 dollars.i dont want a girl who is not affectionate enough or a girl who is afraid to show her feelings. i dont want to have a wife who will make me feel more alone with her than without her. im afraid we will have a wonderful time this two weeks and then after everything will be tha same as before. i just cant afford to invest much more feelings anymore.
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A
female
reader, rbrownxo  +, writes (16 February 2013):
 I really feel for you because you sound like you love this girl a lot and although she may love you squally in return she doesn't show it, which makes me think that she isnt right for you dear. You need someone who isn't emotionally shut off like she is and who actually appreciates your gifts and kindness. Although I think valentines day isn't a big deal because you should show your love for each other all year round, not just one day, i understand how some (like yourself) find it a big deal. I think if you really love this girl you should tell her the truth first, tell her that you dont feel appreciated and that she doesnt show you that she loves you like you do to her. Because communication is key in every relationship, if ahe out right denies this and says she wont/cant change for you then that is a sign you must leave my friend, because she will just weigh you down and youll grow to dislike, even hate her.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 February 2013):
her style does not mesh with yours...
either that or she really is not that into you.
Valentine's day is a big deal for some. like you.
for others... not such a big deal
and for still others... it's a sucky day on many levels for many reasons.
is she cold as ice when you guys are together as well...
if so don't waste the money for her to come see you end it now...
if when you are together things are fine then it may be the distance that's the problem...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): Sounds like you're just not compatible OP.
If she knew how important it was and yet did nothing that is a very clear indication of what you mean to her.
I detest Valentines and refuse to get caught up in that crap. I keep the romance alive daily, I don't need some idiotic corporate holiday to tell me to buy my woman flowers.
I wouldn't break up over something as shit as that, but I would examine the feasibility of this whole thing seeing as you don't seem all the close at all, despite claiming you love each other.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 February 2013):
 It doesn't sound like she cares about you the same way you care about her, at all. Not the Valentine's day thing so much, it sounds like everything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): Hi, just maybeshe is brining your gift when she come? If she does not then talk about it and understand what makes her tick.
I agree it sucks but it depends also if thats a deal breaker.
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