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anonymous
writes: Me and my girlfriend have lived pretty seperate lifestyles before we met. I come from an extremely poor family and never have had money or really lots of things besides school and work since i had to help my mom pay the bills..ect... Anyways my girlfriend is getting her 4 years of college paid for, just got a brand new car, and has worked like a summer once in her life. She has been given everything ever by her parents, and she can't relate to the fact that I am a college student who has paid for everything and am in so much debt for a good education and and every bill associated with real life... like it's hard to not be bitter towards someone who has gotten everything, and when I tell her about my stuff she just calls me a pessimist. But I have to somehow pay for school and all my bills and pass, and am constantly worried about money. I still treat her good and that's not the problem. I am not cheap with her... I've talked to her about it and told her how I get jealous of her because of her life, and have suggested we just don't talk about it, but she insists we do. It creates strain because she tries to give me advice and she has never been in a money problem situation and her advice is actually kind of like the advice someone who has gotten everything would say, like 'don't worry about it'll go away'. How can I avoid this topic or how would you deal with someone who has been spoiled? It's the one thing in our relationship we can't relate to and it's a big part of my life because I have family still in that situation and I am too until I finish my school...
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reader, Caribgal +, writes (9 June 2005):
This problem will never be resolved if you and your girlfriend don't talk about it. You don't have to get hit upside your head with a brick to know that it hurts.
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (9 June 2005):
 Take her to where you grew up if possible. Maybe if she gets a visual maybe she'll understand. Obviously she has never been around someone with your life experiences. Tell her it makes you feel 2 inches tall when she offers you advice. If she loves you, she will understand. Maybe part of the problem is you tell her that you are jealous of her lifestyle and you're bitter towards her. It's not her fault that she was born into a more financially-able life. It seems you are putting some blame into her for that. Maybe from her standpoint she doesn't think her life is gravy. Maybe she is under extreme pressure to do very well in school since she's been given more resources. And maybe you don't see that. Either way, the two of you have to learn to understand each other better, you both have to make the effort.
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reader, NG +, writes (8 June 2005):
I was in that kind of situation but it was the opposite:) I was the spoilt one and my bf was the less-fortunate. It was a bit hard for both of us to adapt with each other...especially when he started mixing up with my family. He used to speak about it and he was even shy and ashamed especially when we used to go out and I pay. I loved him a lot and I helped him in any way....today we both work and he has a better job than I do....and he pays most of the bills and he even bought me a car. I don't suggest for you to leave this girl....as far as you know you love each other. Well she has to accept your situation...and she can even help you. But you have to accept the situation too....you can't turn a 'poshy' woman into something which is worse. You can spoil her yourself by writing her letter, giving her a lot of attention and compliments....believe me that sounds better than any gift:)I'm sure when you finish school, you'll be living a better life...just wait for that time....then you'll see how proud you'll be of yourself.Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2005): The Question is do u love her?? You and your girlfriend come from two completely different worlds. I think that you should give your relationship a break for a while. Not forever but for a while. She's spoilt and its gonna be hard to turn her away from that lifestyle. The best thing other than breaking up with her is to un-spoil her. Tell her no a couple of times. Ask her would she like to trade places with you and she how she responds. Good luck
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