A
female
age
41-50,
*oodfriend
writes:Can someone please help me. I have a male friend who I met a year and a half ago - I see him as my best friend and have done a lot for him and been extremely supportive :) When we met he didn't know many peolpe, but I introduced him to lots of friends. He is gay and has a partner. I have had a crush on him, but the type where I know nothing will ever happen, and is enjoyable. However, a few months back, a new girl moved to the area. He made friends with her, and I was soon replaced. There's no need for me to go into boring details, but even from when they first met, he has put her before me, which I found heartbreaking. He let me down twice when we had plans to go to the cinema to see one film, only to go with her instead the same night, to see a different film! My film had then left the cinema, so we never saw it. To me, that is really hurtful :(Anyway, I have coped the best I can, but this week they have announced they will move in together. I am feeling so jealous and hurt..I don't know what to do. I feel that this is the end of me being replaced, and from now on, how can I possibly invite my "best" friend anywhere, without inviting this other friend too? They will spend all the time together. Can someone please offer some advice. I don't want to lose my friend, but maybe he is already lost to me. How can I possibly cope with seeing them together all the time, when he sees me as inferior now?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Zanie  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Ouch. I know how you feel. It's almost like she is the newer improved version of you. Hard to compete. However, you should'nt have to.
If you really want to try and salvage the friendship, then perhaps tell him how you feel. Tell him you feel left out, and you would like to hang out again. You may have to swallow the pride and let the other girl hang to. The best thing you could do is be friends with her too. That doesn't mean you have to spend all your time with her, you can just ask him to chill alone...just invite him to do something and say "Hey, just me and you this time, ok? Will chat a little."
However, if this guy doesnt appreciate your efforts to "join the pack" and seems to spurn you hanging out with him or both of them...then don't waste your time. He wasn't that great of a friend to begin with. It's human to get excited about someone new, and spend more time with them... however, he should still remember that you have been there all along.
Talk to him.
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