A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 19 yrs old. I have 2 kids ages 3 and 2. My exboyfriend is an active gangmember. Ive been with him since i was 15. Hes cheated on me several times n has been in in out of jail. Hes even been deported too. Ive delt with him 4 years think he would change, cuz he always told me i was his one n only. He came bak n in less than a year everything went wrong. I love him alot ive never done him wrong ive been faithful since day one but he always does me wrong n i take him bak but he left me for a hoodratt from his own gang n he knows that shes been around by his other homies. He was cheatin on me behind my back with her for 2 months or longer n i found out on my own. He left me n my kids n he knew that i was expecting our third kid. I know iwas so stupid for not taking care of myself n thinking he would be here for me n my kids. i ended up moving from his familys home. But hes with her now n im just so hurt .how could he chose her over sumthing so good he had n ineed advice i dont know wat to think or do ...
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (21 May 2010):
 How old is your ex boyfriend? If he's around your age, he is playing games with your emotions. Like most immature men, he wants his kid's mom around and doesn't want her with another man, but he doesn't want to step up and be a man himself. He wants to play in the streets and have a family waiting at home for him, too, but life doesn't work that way.
If he's in the process of removal, he'll probably get deported. If you haven't already, you need to go to social services so you can get help with the kids. Maybe they can help you with school or career training as well.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Who can answer why he left you for a girl in his gang? This is where I'd recommend following, "focus on what you can control, not what you cannot."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did waste 4 yrs with him. All he did was just let him fill my head with bs and make me live in a fairy tale dream. He destroy'd my life well not all of it but he did enough..I should have left him along time ago when he was in jail and when he got deported but i stuck around like an idiot thinking once he came back everythin would be perfect. Boy i was wrong. I just hope he loses his case n goes back to mexico. I know i can do it on my own but i rather have him far away as possible. He txts me still n tells m "u and the kids r the most precious thing i ever had i believe in karma now" or "i rather b in busted or dead if i dont have u n the kids".. But he says all that but hes still with her at first i wantd to txt him bak but i just couldnt. He even came to my moms house (i live with) n startd textin me happy mothers day n wantd to c me n my kids but i left him hangin n he tries to talk to me but idk wat he wants from me if he left me is he just playing with my emotions or wat?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. I know that this 3rd child wasnt planned and i really wasnt expecting to be in another sistuation like this but you all are right. I need to stop thinking about him and get over him. I do love him and i know it will be a difficult proccess to get over him but i know that i have to do it for my kids first and for myself also.its true it doesnt matter who he left me for the fact is he left me and my kids.its just something i cant stop thinking about. He has court this November18,for immagration to c if he stays here or gets kicked out since hes in proccess of removal. Im just wondering do you think he'll stay because i already filed for child support last month? Hes works but only gives me 100 a week but im 6months pregnant n i cant work. That isnt sufficent for my kids.he wastes his money on drugs,his hoodratt,and buyin stupid stuff so his work permit is no good n i dont think he should be allowed to stay could i do something on my behalf?
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (21 May 2010):
Would you feel better if he left you for someone NOT in the same gang? It really doesn't matter who he left you for, the bottom line is that he left you. He left you and the kids because he'd rather get high on meth, sleep with skanks and bang. As good a woman as you have been, he doesn't appreciate it and it's easier to be with someone who does not expect him to act like a grown-up; he does not want a family life and he never did. You need to make peace with the fact that this guy has been no good from the start and that you've lost 4 years of your life waiting for him to act right. Instead of wondering "why", look at him for who is really is (a cheating, druggie, criminal-minded loser) and stop wasting your energy and effort worrying about him and what he's doing. You're gonna be raising these kids by yourself, and figuring out how you're going to do that should be your focus right now.
As far as seeing him in the neighborhood, speak and keep walking with your head up. And whatever you do, for the love of God PLEASE do not get back together with this man. If you do and he dogs you again, it will be nobody's fault but your own.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEveryone tells me i need to focus on my kids n myself i just find it so hard to do when we dont even live that far apart from each other knowin we could bump into one another. I know that a relationship like that doesnt work,especially if hes gang afiliated. Everytime hes cheated its been when hes doin meth. I just dont understand why he would leave me for someone that is in the same gang he is.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (20 May 2010):
You need to start taking care of yourself and your children. You may not always understand a choice that someone else makes, but you are responsible for your own choices. Be a good mom before anything else. He's cheated on you, over and over and over again. You're a faithful person, so why not find someone who is faithful as well?
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