A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is my girlfriend being unfair?My ex-fiancee and my current girlfriend are friends, not very close but they talk occasionally (thats how we met), anyhow, i let my girlfriend (ashley) know that im totally over (steph) and that im so much happier with her than i ever was with steph and that i really want to marry her, and that i am 100% sure that i wont fall out of love with her as i did with steph.The problem is that Ashley cant get over my ex-fiancee, even though she says it dosent bother it, it constantly does, and shes always asking me if im happy, and whenever we do something that she knows me and steph did she gets incredibly upset, like going out to somewhere or vacations, and know that we are both talking about getting engaged she is upset because i already went through that with another girl, and she feels like shes "second best"I dont know what to say or do that will get rid of everything shes feeling, i constantly tell her how much i love her and how much more happier i ever thought i could be. but she still gets upset about everything about my ex. Its getting hard to keep this relationship going with me always worrying if shes getting upset or her bringing up my ex's name.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): My boyfriend is like this. Except I haven't got an issue with an "ex" of mine, but with an ex friends with benefits. I met my current boyfriend because my friend had introduced us. For a while we were all friends until we started dating and he found out about my ex friend with benefits.
Well my boyfriend is the jealous type to begin with, so we both cut contact with this friend. The problem is that my boyfriend also gets upset and angry that I did this with my friend before, or that maybe we had a better time, or blah, blah...
It's draining, and I'm always anxious that he'll bring up his name and start making questions or assumptions. It's really frustrating, and I'm still trying to figure out (after two years) what's the best way for the both of us to cope.
My boyfriend sometimes tells me that he knows he's being foolish, but that I should understand that it's hard for him to think that this guy that he knows, this guy who used to be his buddy had me first. I really don't get it, but I've figured out that being supportive and trying to understand his point of view helps.
Sadly, I'm kind of stuck in the same situation as you, so I can't give you a more helpful answer but still. I hope everything works out for the best for the two of you.
A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (5 January 2009):
 Your situation is why people don't date their friends exes especially when they both know each other.
If your ex and current girlfriend remains open communication among each other, you have no clue what they both discuss. I'm pretty sure your name comes up all the time. I think that's why your girlfriend ask you questions of happiness.
Maybe it's best if they both stay away from each other until shes comfortable being around her. Problems can occur.
Good luck.
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