A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Alright, I have one that's been kind of in the back of my head for awhile. My girlfriend recently told me, "I don't want to hurt you, I want you to hurt me." Every once and awhile it has come back up in my head and I wonder what that means. It's the first time she has ever said something like that in the 11 months we have been dating. She said that almost 3 weeks ago, but we have since returned to our normal ways.Any thoughts on what she means by this? I really hope that it's not what I dread: that she's asking for me to break up with her so she doesn't have to do it. I couldn't imagine why she'd be thinking that as everything is incredible smooth with us, but I guess that's where the time old saying of "the other sex is a mystery" comes from.\\ D Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (15 January 2009):
 Hello again you.Now I've read more from you, I'm going to offer the opposite advice to what I suggested last week. I'm going to suggest you bite your lip now and don't bring this up again. She's made it quite clear that she's chosen you over him. If you persist ~ she will most definitely need space, and will eventually distance herself from you. Don't put her under any more pressure. Trust me, I know how that feels. I was constantly being harassed and mistrusted by an ex boyfriend of mine, he was so possessive that it had gotten to the stage where I felt I couldn't breathe around him anymore, he was, in a way suffocating me with his questions and doubts about my feelings. In the end I had to break away from him. In a nutshell ~ I fell out of love with him.You must learn to trust her feelings toward you, ignore the comment she made about not wanting to hurt you. Forget this other guy ever existed. He was a part of her past, he's not an issue anymore. Make yourself believe that. Let her bring up the subject if need be, but for now ~ leave it ~ if you don't want to lose her that is.There is nothing worse than being with a partner who doesn't trust you. Put yourself in her shoes, I bet you wouldn't like it, so the more you persist ~ the further away you'll push her.Think about it, you have a choice here. What is more important?Once again honey, I wish you luck. Take care.BigSisxXx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Well, here's the thing BigSis...This came up in connection with a talk we had where she told me she was wondering if we were on the same level and stuff like that. It also came up that she had an entire "what if" night thinking about what could have happened between here and some other guy. To make it obvious, they have a history, and now she considers him her best friend.Well, being the concerned, "I'm going to loose her", guy that I am (and most guys are), I asked her if she still had feelings for this guy and all that stuff. This isn't the first time I have asked her those questions. It seems like every now and then I feel obligated to ask her those questions: 'do you like this guy?' 'do I have to worry about intentions between the two of you?' and other questions like that. Ever since this and the last time I asked those questions, she has begun to say that she's getting really tired of answering those questions. Saying that she doesn't know any other way to show/tell me that she has picked me over him and that I'm the one.The last time I brought those questions up was literally just the other day this week. She told me that I can't keep thinking about what happened 2 weeks ago... that I can't be lingering on it.Now, her responses are not what I'm putting up for question with this addition. What I'm afraid of is that, if I bring back up the comment in the topic of this post, is that I wont get my answer and she's just going to through a fit about how I'm still holding onto what happened 2 weeks ago.Soo... yeah... I guess I don't know what else to include/ask without giving away too much. I kinda like to keep our relationship as private as possible and let us make our own mistakes and learn from them. But this one has got me in a bind and I'm worried it's a hint towards something that I don't see happening because of how happy we generally are.Anyway, thanks for you responses so far... oh, and this is nothing sexually! So don't be thinking that... that means mind out of the gutters fellow boys ;)
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (9 January 2009):
 Yep it sound like she is afraid to break up with you, not because she does not want to do it but because she never wants to lose you.. EVER! She must really love you.
forget about "the other sex is a mystery" its all crap!
Id just have a nice easy chat with her and tell her that your never going to hurt her, not to worry anymore and enjoy being with each other.
The question is "Do you really love her?" hint, hint!
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (9 January 2009):
If I were in your shoes, I'd ask her outright. You're beating yourself up about what she meant, yet you could save all all your angst by just simply asking her.
There's nothing worse than prolonging a situation, as you're gonna get a multitude of reasons messing with your head when you could get a straight answer out of her.
If it's sexual then it's a bonus, like a previous poster said, maybe she wants you to give her a little spank now and again.
If it is because she wants to break up, {and she prefers you to do it so as you wont get hurt if she does it} then at least you'll know, and not prolong that agony in your head.
So do it, ask her, that way you'll get the answer you're looking for.
Best of luck to you, and I hope you get this sorted.
BigSis
xXx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Ok, I did leave something out, but I think you two jumped in the wrong direction ;)
This wasn't with regards to foreplay or any of that like. In fact, just the opposite. We were talking about how we weren't really on the same level as each other in our relationship and that she was afraid that one day she was going to hurt me.
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A
male
reader, Andrew83 +, writes (9 January 2009):
 Ok, well you have left something out like - When did she say that to you, In what way did she say it.I doubt it'll be the party ender because it would hurt you too if you was to break up so its got to be foreplay or as anon said a little spanking.When it comes to sex try it a little among other things to spice it up, its like she's hinted the idea to hurt her as in spank her (not too hard though).i hope this helps you and things are still smoothe and try to update us all. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): maybe she just likes a little spanking
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