A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my gf is just 22, so am i, and she's very mature for her age. maybe too mature sometimes. she's very responsible and she once told me she's had to be from an early age because her parents worked a lot and she's the eldest of her four little sisters. i get that, but there comes a point when you just have to let your hair down a little, right? she's the first girl i've ever seen being so responsible and sensible, like 95% of the time. it seems like she never does anything wrong. no, that's not true, it just seems that way but when she does fuck up she doesn't sit around and mopes about it ot try t forget it or just let it pass, she just fixes it immediately, so she doesn't have to 'worry about it later' (her words). that in itself is admirable but it can be so frustrating sometimes. she's the one people call (all the time) to get something done and quick and she doesn't turn them down, mostly because she has this way of knowing just what to do. she's very practical and always finds a solution to a problem. she's the girl who doesn't drink too much at a party and usually drives the wasted ppl home.mind you, and please PAY ATTENTION, she isn't the bossy type. she doesn't order others around and makes them feel like they're incompetent. in the contrary she offers help when others seem to need it. it all seems perfect and like i've hit the jackpot. she smart and practical but not boring. she has a killer sense of humor but knows when to get serious.my true problem is that instead of making me feel proud of her, i feel like i could use a 'wilder' gf. and being next to her makes me look so immature and childish. plenty of ppl have commented on the fact that in our relationship i'm the kid and she's the mom who takes care of everything while i sit on the couch and watch cartoons.i don't want to break up with her, bc i really like this girl. i just want some advice on how to make me deal with this? maybe i'm jealous i'm not more like her or something.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 October 2012):
 You'll grow older in time as well. You don't have to break up with her just because you don't get along with every single part of her personality. It's okay. As long as you and her are happy together, and as long as the good outweighs the bad, then you don't have to feel guilty.
There are times when I too look at my boyfriend and think he's so immature. But that's because I've had to be extremely mature from an early age myself. Sometimes I think he's so childish, but then again... I don't know if I wouldn't have been the exact same, if I had been in his shoes.
If you had grown up like she did, you too would be like her (probably). If she had grown up like you, she'd be like you. I don't think she is mature because it is in her genes, or that she was born that way. She's mature because she had to be. You're not immature by default, or more immature than her. But you grew up differently, and haven't had to deal with as much responsibility.
But when the time arrives for you to be more responsible I am sure you will rise to the occasion, and grow, and be responsible as well. You just haven't had to deal with the things she's dealt with.
As for her always saying yes to doing things for others... I think you should talk to her about her cutting back a little and not working too hard. I have a hard time saying no to people myself, and everyone relies on me for everything. There comes a point where you just have to say stop, no more, screw the rest. Your girlfriend needs to learn from you, just like you can learn from her. Remind her of her age, remind her that she's allowed to relax. Remind her that even though everyone comes to her, people can and should fix their own issues/deal with their own problems. Just because she knows how to do something, or just because she's good at fixing things for others, doesn't mean she should be doing everyone elses jobs. She needs to say no, and put herself first more often.
I think she wishes she could be like you a lot of the time. If she was with someone just as settled and responsible and mature as herself.. she'd be bored out of her mind. I know I would.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (1 October 2012):
All that matters is if you treat her right and vice versa. You love her, she loves you, and you both work towards the relationship to make it successful. People can only comment on what they generally see but they have no clue about how you feel and same goes for her.
What you are doing now is over analysing an attribute of her which makes her who she is...what's the point? Even if you had a clear answer, would it change anything? Or would you be the one who changes something?
Don't get me wrong, I do see your point. But maybe instead of wanting a wilder gf, you should grow up a little. Thinking that you may need someone who is wilder, seems pretty childish to me. I'm not sure if you could handle a wilder gf with a mindset like that. :P
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2012): You like her but you don't like parts of her? Are you dating parts of her? No, you are dating a person, not a set of traits.
If you like dating her, enjoy her company and she likes dating and enjoys your company, what does it matter what other people say?
If the problem is your reaction to other's comments, prepare a response to them. Or ignore them altogether.
Them: "you are the kid and she's the mom who takes care of everything, while you sit on the couch and watch cartoons."
You: "yes, isn't it wonderful?"
You are who you are. She is who she is. What others believe should be happening in your relationship is irrelevent.
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A
female
reader, L.A.A.  +, writes (1 October 2012):
Opposites attract! She choose to be with YOU for a reason so don't go changing who you are. She obviously likes the way your relationship works just don't take her for granted. If you were the same as her now where would all the fun be? Chill she likes you for you.
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