A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have joined this site with lots of hope.Since my younger days I used to be afraid of having sex but now it seems that I have succumbed to that fear.And I am unable to focus on anything now because of this pressure.I have been in love with my boy friend for several years now and although I have such phobia towards it,my boyfriend has been supporting me throughout these years and has never imposed it on me.I really want to get rid of this mental blockage I have and enjoy it with the person whom I love so dearly.I have been in this difficult situation since past many years.I wanted to know how to deal with it.Earlier I used to focus on my career and so I ignored this problem of mine most of the time.But now this constant fear is taking a toll on me.If someone has ever suffered with this feeling please suggest what I could do about it.I am actually quite terrified with the whole process of having sex and I dont know why and how to deal with it.I even have heard experiences from some other friends and the way they explained their first time made me more afraid of having sex.Although those friends are married for several years now and have also given birth to beautiful babies,the way they shared their first time was dreadful and that has affected me ever since.Hoping for some guidance.. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the help Xearo and KellyO..
Thanks a ton for the encouraging words.
Yes my boyfriend indeed has been a very wonderful person and has been patient enough through all these years.
Lately I have been very disturbed about my situation and finally thought of getting some help from dearCupid.
Thanks for taking out the time to respond.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (1 October 2012):
I think a lot of girl's first times are bad because their boyfriends are in a hurry or get too excited or simply don't know what to do. From what I do know, the first time of sex can be somewhat painful BUT can also be minimized if performed correctly. If you are serious about overcoming this fear you should talk to your boyfriend about it and agree with a process that will be gentle for you. For example, a suitable amount of foreplay and extra lubrication oils, good music etc. I think you can do some research on the internet by some simple google searches to find more info, but hopefully other aunts will post their thoughts.
The thing is that after the first time, it gets way easier. It is a good mentality to have, to just get it over with so you can enjoy this special gift with your boyfriend. Replace your fear with anticipation, love and happiness. There are other good things with the first time with are special which are very enjoyable and it is waiting for you. You have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (1 October 2012):
 Hi,
I was also scared myself for the first time.It seems to me that you are in a committed long term relationship which is good. Sex is way to become much closer with a partner in a committed relationship. Regardless of what you have been told it doesn't have to hurt. If your partner is as considerate as he appears to be( he has been very patient) you will need to tell him to be very gentle and take things very slowly. First of all you should spend sometime exploring each other bodies intimately without actually having sex. This will allow you to be more comfortable with each other and to get used to the feeling/expectation. Each little step at a time. Relax and allow him to touch and caress you some more and maybe next time a bit more and gradually it becomes naturally. Eventually you will find out that you will want to do it even if you are still a bit frightened. i assure you the day will come that you will overcome your apprehension. I know you are frightened now but it will be alright in the end.
Kelly
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