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writes: I have been living with my girlfriend for 6 years now. I love her very much and she says she loves me too. She has a bit of an alcohol problem, not an alcoholic, she just gets pretty weird after a few glasses of wine, bit mad really.Times have been pretty hard finacially for about 7-8 months but she has managed to get herself a part-time job and I am about to inherit a substantial amount of money in the next few months.The problem is she met this man at work. he's over 20 years younger than her. She told me she had been flirting with a younger man at work, but eventually she decided she had fallen in love with him and that he loves her. So we keep on talking about it, me complaining about it and getting upset hurt and angry. Then we talk about having an open relationship but decide this is probably not a good idea. Then apparently it's over, then it's not then it's on again and off again and so on. One time I actually phoned him and told him to back off and he said he would.Last Friday she plugged her phone into my laptop to charge. I couldn't help myself and looked at her texts. She was arranging to meet him at her mothers house on Saturday (mother is away). After work on Friday we take the dog for a walk and she tells me she is going to meet her friend Jane on saturdey, go have a meal and see a film. I just keep quiet and not let on that I know she's seeing him. Saturday night comes she goes out. About 9 she phones me, drunk, says she is going to stay at mums house with Jane and can't remember the alarm security number for mums house. This is when I get angry and tell her I know she's with him, then I hang up the phone. then he phones me to say he's sorry and that nothing happened. Apparently she was so drunk she scared him off....I know she is having some sort of mid-life crisis but I don't know how much more of this I can take. Should I leave her to it?
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female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (29 March 2011):
 You can only do so much and she is being very disrespectful. If you don't want an open relationship this is your right and she has no buisness going around this behind your back. I don't blame the guy completely its your girlfriend the one that owes you loyalty and you need to talk to her clear your chest and give her an ultimatum. She is stepping all over you and its time you man up and stand. Take a leap forward for your pride and your dignity don't allow her to use you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): As long as she knows she's got you there as a backup she may just carry on as she is. You are being quite tolerant but I think the time has come for an ultimatum. You can not be messed around indefinitely and she risks losing you unless she sorts out what she wants. Of course this could mean she leaves you but the alternative is not attractive either if she carries on as she is.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (29 March 2011):
 Hi,
What do you think?
Your lady is dishonest, when having few drinks cannot control herself, cheats infront of your face, what else do you need to understand?
You did good calling the guy & telling him to back off, however you should also tell your girfriend to stop! Its not only the guys fault.
I know that 6 years is a long time, you're attached to her, care & love her. You mentioned middle life crisis? Maybe so, but she needs help.
I am sure she's a good person, but clearly she's not happy & she's affecting you & your relationship.
If you want to be with your girfriend, you need to:
1) help her control her alcohol.
2) Solve this open relationship issue (tell her what you want)
3) Tell her no more lies!
4) Figure out what is bothering her & why she's not happy
5) You need to tell her how you feel, what you want & what do you expect from her & this relationship.
Without trust & understanding its impossible to be together. Its not fair that you have to check her email & phone. Its not fair she lies in your face. Its not fair both of you living together unhappy. This is very exhasting, consume all your energy & its really sad & waste of time.
Have a nice, calm talk & see if she wants to work things out. Everybody have problems & problems can be solve. However, if she doenst change, then I think its best that you move on & find someone that loves you & respect you. Life is too short & everybody deserve to be happy.
Hope you make the right decision
Good luck!
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