A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'd been with my gf for about nine months. I was the first woman she had ever been with, and she assured me that sexuality mattered none to her. That if she fell in love with a man, she would be with a man. And since she fell in love with me, she was all about me. That she didn't look at another person - male or female - while with me. Everything felt just fine. We had our ups and downs like anybody would but we had such strong love and a great bond together. We discussed our future and she said she saw the whole works with me. Marriage, kids, etc.This past Friday, she broke up with me out of the blue - and when I say out of the blue, I mean out of the blue. We went on vacation together just days before and our sex life was great and we bonded even more and had a great time. When she broke up with me, she said she didn't love me anymore and thought she needed to be with a man and have a traditional wedding. That I was just a phase. I was floored! I was crushed. I had no idea where this was coming from. We didn't speak for four days until yesterday. Finally, we talked, and she admitted to me that the night after we broke up, she slept with her male friend. I was devastated. She said she didn't love him or care for him like that but she did it because she was extremely drunk and because of the low she was in and that she was heart broken. Heart broken?? She shoved me away!! What low could she have been in? She said she didn't regret sleeping with him but that it meant nothing. Now she's saying she just doesn't know what she feels about anything anymore. That she's numb and doesn't know what she feels. That she loves me deeply and cares deeply certainly as a friend, but that she's so unsure of anything in her life at the moment.I'm literally heart broken. I've never been so heart broken in my life and I'm almost 30 years old. I never saw this coming and I'm ripped apart about her sleeping with someone else. I genuinely thought we were building a life together and in the next few years saw myself marrying this woman.I'm so lost and so confused. I can't eat or sleep. I'm a mess. And I'm a very independent person. I feel numb now, myself. Like a zombie. Any help would be great, please.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 August 2013):
 That stinks. Some people are truly bisexual while some are fed up with the opposite sex and wants to try the same sex, for a change, but not really bisexual. I think she knows exactly what she is doing but is using this whole "confusion" thing to sound not as guilty. A vacation is really a test, a sneak peak of your future. She was very good at dressing her image and hiding her true motives. It has nothing to do with your value, your attractability. Players don't decide who to deceive. It's just unfortunate that the gay population is still a minority so when you find someone you will cling on to them. The scarcity of a like minded partner makes you vulnerable to bullshit. You were with the wrong person, at the wrong time and trusted her words. It's very sad that you can't trust anyone. You can only wait for action and that talks can mean nothing. You also learn that people know what to say to make you feel good, but can do the exact opposite.
It's possible that she has a habit of going back and forth between men and women, when she feels like it, so when she feels empty she might contact you, just because she is "confused" some more and that the break up was a mistake. You must stand firm and not take her back. It was an illusion. When you wake up you will realize reality is actually not that bad.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 August 2013):
Well, there's no magic way to mend a broken heart, but a couple of things help. First, you need to recognize that it's over. She may be unclear about this, but her words are very much the words of someone who is done but trying to spare the other person's feelings.
I'd cease contact with her. It helps to block her number for the time being because you won't be wondering if she's going to call and living for that moment.
Finally you need to recognize that this isn't your fault. She's obviously confused about what she wants, which, I'd assume is common in a first time same sex relationship. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, you're ugly, you're a bad lover, etc. It just means that the two of you aren't "meant to be".
Good luck!
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