A
female
age
,
*london
writes:i had been seeing a guy for 8 years on and off always me doing the txting, when we met we both had just gone through a divorce him on is second, he had always told me he couldnt ,wouldnt get involved again and we could be friends so we became friends with benefits ,afterwards i would not hear for weeks at atime and always me sending atxt over the years this man constanley broke my heart ,and many times told me he had met somone then id be heartbroken after id send txt after txt and then hed sleep with me again and again ignore me for weeks, my insticts told me all was not well because he was always busy , anyway xmas of this year i asked him again was he seeing somone and he dropt a massive bombshell and told me he had been married for 2 years i met up with him and slept with him again i knew it was wrong but im so in love with this man, anyway because of how im feeling i said i was going to tell is wife ,and he threaten to have me badly beat up if i did he was always secreative where he lived but slipt up when he payed for an hotel room when asked for is address , iv apoligised via txt for a solid month now, and not once has he replied ,i feel heartbroken because i was always a "friend" terrable for what i said i would do , but im more upset that after 8 years he as disappeared and wont respond to any txt, excepting my apoligy how can i except what he was about and was i used and did he ever like me and if i was is freind why was i so upset every time he told me he had met some one
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divorce, friend with benefits, heartbroken Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 March 2012):
 Your guy sounds like a professional, he takes your body and your heart and then he also takes your money. I know your heart is involved, but this guy is too expensive to keep. He doesn't like women, he doesn't think much about them, beyond satisfying his sexual needs and giving him lots of money.
You are lucky he's gone off to give someone else pain. You don't realise this yet, but you will as your self-esteem becomes strong again. This guy was a leech sucking you dry, you had to chase him, and that's doesn't help a woman feel good about herself.
Don't do the sitting at home trying to get over him and heal... nope, you need to get right back on the dating scene and practise your flirting and make some guy chase you this time.
Good luck you already got, so I'm wishing you health and happiness instead.
A
female
reader, hlondon +, writes (7 March 2012):
hlondon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all so much for your answers, when i think about it i slept with him in may 2011 ,i reckon hed proberly on been married afew months then , i feel such a fool, not aday goes by i dont think of him,i feel such aweak person he told me at xmas 2011 that a woman he had been seeing put a deposit down of 15,000 on a brand new expensive car when they went to the car show rooms he said he told her he would not be bought and ended it, another time he slept for 7 years with anthor woman who was married and i should of seen the look on this womans face when she said she would leave her husband for him , he ended that because he wanted no involment from her , i really dont know what to believe from him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): If he were my husband, I would want to know what a pos he is, and how he treats women in general- and that he threatened to have you beat up. I would find a way to tell her without him knowing and then hope he doesn't follow through on his threat. This guy is bad news- forget about him altogether, but try to warn his wife about what her really is- this won't ruin her life, it will stop her from wasting time with a horrible person.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 Well what did you expect? You were FWB with him and he made that clear with his words AND his behavior that you meant nothing to him other than a warm penis holder...
He was wrong for NOT telling you he was getting married and for lying to and cheating on his wife... but two wrongs don't make a right
If you tell his wife it will wreck HER life... and it won't get you want you want which is HIM.
No matter what happens you will never have him... if he wanted YOU he would have married you...
you need to let him and the relationship you had with him go...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): Heres the thing, You were in a fwb. You wanted more but he had no intention of getting involved with you. He made it clear by his actions. He would have relations with others but you were some one who would text and he had sex with, be all and end all. Start respecting yourself and see this man as the user he is. He threaten to get you beaten because you were going to expose him. That shows how much he doesnt care for you. He clearly is not a nice man. Why do you feel you deserve this treatment?
Move on, put this man behind you, scrub his number from your phone so you dont contact him again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): I'm very sorry, but you need to move on!1) You were the one always having to initate contact.2) He constantly broke your heart when he would meet someone new, so it wasn't ONLY fwb for you. Your heart was in it, but not for him.3) He didn't maintain a friendship with you, and he certainly never communicated with you, because to drop the bombshell he is MARRIED for TWO YEARS already, says it all. He has been cheating on his wife, and he has been using you!4) You are the one who is very in love with him, but it is not mutual. His actions prove this.5) You have apologised for threatening to disclose everything to his wife, but that was due to the shock, hurt and betrayal you felt from him. However, he sees you as a fwb and owes you nothing. This is very callous, the worst fwb situation, but it's how his actions speak. Do not worry if he accepts your apology or not. Yes you were used. Yes perhaps he liked you, but he wasn't a friend, and definitely not a boyfriend. You were upset every time he told you he met someone new, because you were totally invested in him, but it was not mutual.I'm very sorry you have had your heart hurt over and over for 8 years, but you really MUST move on!You can send him ONE last sms saying you are sorry for threatening him, you have come to your senses and will no longer be doing anything. That you realise it was only fwb for him, now that he is married, you will no longer be available to him. Then be KIND to yourself, set your standards higher, you deserve soooo much more than this! Take time out FOR YOU, do not accept any more contact from him, let him go! He is not for you, he never was, and he got married thereby ending your possibilities. The fact that you move on, you may experience he suddenly returns, or says he can't forget you, or any other line, do not listen. His actions show how he really feels. He does not care about you or your heart at all. Be around those that truly love you - family, or friends, and take time to re-discover who you are, where you came from, where you were headed before you got derailed by him. Then focus on what you would like to achieve for the future. In the short term, and work towards those goals so you have direction and a purpose. Do the things you love, and hopefully one day you will find someone that loves you the same as you love them. Accept nothing less that this. Wishing you all the best, and much happiness!xxxx E
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): Blimey he's bad, getting married and not telling you. He sure isn't a friend of yours, he used you, you chased him and he thought 'why not,its on a plate'
In the meantime you have fallen for a man who is a liar, cheats on his new wife and in a desperate moment you said you would spill the beans. Then he showed his true colours.
Ofcourse he won't respond to your texts, you encroached on his cosy life, it was no longer just a laugh.
I know you won't see him for what he is yet, but one day you will, you have to delete his number and forget him. 8 years is a long time to wait for a man to change,time when you could have been focusing on meeting a man who wants you for you.
Its not going to be easy,forgetting him, but it can be done.Your worth alot more than he's made you think.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 In the beginning he said he wouldn't get involved but you had sex with him anyway. Then you found that he was getting involved, but with other women, not you, but you had sex with him anyway. And then you found out he has been married for two years, but you had sex with him anyway.
And then you threatened to tell his wife, and he threatened to have you beaten up, so what do you do? You apologise, for a month solid and now you are upset because he wont respond.
Of course he isn't going to respond, you threatened his marriage and his wife's happiness.
He wasn't your friend, he was using you for sex and you let him. The fact you became upset every time he told you he had found someone just goes to show just much you allowed yourself to get into this situation.
Move along, there is nothing for you here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): Yes you were used. A friends with benefits is just that, no strings attached sex, nothing more. The problem here is you fell in love with him. The reason he didn't tell you that he got married was that he wanted to still come and have sex with you when he wasn;t getting any home. He isn't going to reply to you, you threatened to tell his wife, you have apologised and he is ignoring you. the only thing you can do now is accept that it's over, spend time with friends, take up a hobby, and keep yourself occupied. Do not message him anymore, you are looking desperate and that is hardly going to get him to repect you. He liked having sex with you and knowing that you would available when he couldn't find anyone else interested in having sex with him. I am sorry if I sound harsh, I really am not trying to be harsh, just honest with you. You are worth so much more than this. I know it's hard but you have to get on with your life, without this man in it. Good Luck.
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