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female
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anonymous
writes: I met someone from online about a month ago. He lives about 3 hours away. The date seemed to go well and we basically have either been texting or talking each day. He also has a son which takes up alot of his time which is understandable. He is a very genuine guy it seems. Some things turn me off about him like his goofiness and cracking jokes alot but I know he is a good person and he is very attentive and affectionate. I visited him for the first time. This may sound shallow but the apartment he is in wasn't the greatest. It seems like he does not have alot of money right now or any..no decor, barely any furniture and the place smelled like smoke (he has roommate who smokes cigs and also the illegal stuff) I don't want to be a snob or shallow so I did feel bad for thinking these things but I didn't like it. I also know the guy i am seeing smokes the illegal stuff from time to time as well. I know alot of people who do it but if i had my way, i would wish he didn't do it at all and that the roomate didn't do it either. I also wished the place didn't smell like smoke as much. I have asthma which usually doesnt bother me but this morning i felt like i couldn't breathe and i still feel the effects now that I am home. He made dinner and we watched a few movies. Nothing major happened physically between us because i felt it was way too soon. I did not like the roomate at all, he was alot younger but he basically seemed trashy to me and like he didn't have a future at all. I don't think i could ever really hang out with him but I was nice to him of course. I know i am not dating him but it is his roomate and i guess friend--so he would be there alot while i am there. I didn't mind going home where I can just shower, relax and not be around that. The sad part is--the guy I am seeing really does have a good heart and i know would treat me well. A friend of mine said I should just end it b/c it's not like i am going to move out there, what job would i even get and she actually said I sound a little too good for him and too good to be around that. It was mentioned how he doesn't like the area he is living in but feels stuck because of his daughter and wouldn't move too far until she was able to drive (she's basically a baby--5 years old.) And also his ex lives close by so they can bring the kid back and forth i am 27 years old and he is 31. I just feel scared about wasting my time. I haven't found anyone good to date in YEARS. My serious ex and I broke up when i was 23 or 24. I have been on so many dates and just haven't found anyone--lot of weirdos out there, flakes, they didn't like me, or just no spark. I guess I am really confused if i should give this more time and just enjoy being around him and having someone there who is treating me well, affectionate etc. I know it could end at any time but i guess i feel confused if i am being too hasty. please help
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 Sounds like you are ready to settle. Which is not a good thing.
I would end it and look for someone who is better suited to you and one whom you don't "settle" for.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 March 2012):
 By the illegal stuff I assume you mean marijuana not crack or meth…. Because if it was crack or meth I’d be inclined to say RUN now… those are some serious addictions…
Roommates are often JUST that…roommates.. not necessarily friends…
If you live 3 hours apart and you are not willing to move and he is not willing to move then you have to consider what type of a relationship you could possibly have.
When my fiancé and I started out we were two hours apart and he lived in a nasty apartment (no roommate) and he smoked cigarettes which I abhor and marijuana. He also was adamant that he would not could not and was not planning to move from where he was to where I lived. Things changed. He quit cigarette smoking and he moved. He gave up his entire life and job and moved to be with me. But we were at it over 6 months before we realized we had to be together full time…
At one month out you are barely just getting started. If he has a lot of things you like and only a few that you don’t and those are related to where he’s living and he may consider moving… I’d give him a bit more time to see if it might work out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): Well if you don't like his home,his flatmate or the area he lives in.... and your friend says your 'too good for him', then your minds made up for you. He can't move because of his daughter,thats a plus,he's a good dad.
So, what would be the point really? I am sure he feels bad,probably picked up that you didn't like his home etc. As for being too good for him, well I think thats just silly.
He has alot of qualities, but he isn't for you long term is he, if you already feel like this?
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