A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I live alone and I decided to invite a couple (who are friends) to dinner on Christmas Eve. She accepted the invitation and said why didn't I have lunch with them on Christmas Day. I was pleased as I am often alone at Christmas. A few days later she said she had spoken to her husband and they now wanted to to see me on Xmas Eve or Christmas Day but not both. I was a bit shocked as I found that quite rude - but I just said well just come over to me on Xmas Eve. After that I didn't really feel like cooking for them as I found it quite hurtful. She then suggested I come for breakfast instead on Christmas Day but by then I was really annoyed so I said no, I would be staying at home with my cat. Am I the only one who finds this quire unfeeling and rude of them? I am wondering if they had a better offer and wanted to accept that...
View related questions:
christmas Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 December 2015):
 I too agree, that it's rude.
Your friend might have been "over-ruled" by her husband and to keep the peace she cancel the second say of festivities.
Don't let it spoil your Christmas, I'd say find something good to do that day instead. Like.. volunteer. It's good in many ways, as you 1. won't be alone 2. doing something good for others and 3, well be left feeling good about yourself for having done it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2015): Sounds more like her husband has said no to doing both and she's trying to cover. I know people say it's sad to be alone on Christmas but I honestly think it's ok. I have a very mental family and don't see them at Christmas, my husband often works and as we are young we don't have a family yet so for a few Christmases it's usually me and our dog! I can honestly say it's not awful as I feel Christmas is just a mad, materialistic shopping fest and actually prefer celebrating the winter solstice and then new year.Your friend shouldn't have made the offer without talking to her husband too, as, I assume they share a home, and in a relationship you do need to check with each other if things fit in and plans coincide etc...what she is doing now I think is rude but you're being very gracious about still having them over for Xmas eve. I'd keep things civil and not ask any further about her change of heart to avoid any tension. Enjoy Christmas eve and know that Christmas day is not the be all and end all, and you're certainly not alone in being alone for the day so I hope you can enjoy it with your lovely cat and just relax xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (23 December 2015):
 HiYes of course it's rude!I can see what they mean but the the very blunt way she put it was a masterclass in how not to be tactful.I'm assuming they're not always like that or you wouldnt be friends.People can be under a lot of pressure at this time of year. It's not an excuse but maybe an explanation.I bet you're the envy of many this Christmas because you don't have to put up with the circus that goes with it.Have a peaceful time and all the best for 2016 x
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (23 December 2015):
 I agree, I would feel the same way because it was a bit rude. But if this was a decision of her husband she like you might be all that bit uncomfortable having to reneg on the arrangement. Unlike your friend, if it were me I'd stick to the plan for dinner but just keep the night short and sweet. You never know during dinner you might get a better explanation as to why the change of plans. Dont let it spoil your Christmas, just know better for next year. Merry Chistmas
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2015): I think the way she phrased it was in fact rude and insensitive. That's why people often retreat to a "white lie" in instances where bending the truth a little will cause little to no harm. She could've said instead,"my husband told me that he had something planned for the two of us on that day. Sorry I didn't know. So let's do Christmas eve and possibly Christmas breakfast."
But instead, the message she gave was that they are available, however, they can only "tolerate" you for just one or the other. Not both.
Even on holidays like Christmas, where it's about giving and sharing, people can be selfish. In a world where most people are so consumed and busy with hectic work hours, free time is golden, and it's no wonder they may want to take advantage of the holiday to have alone time together. And most likely, that's where she was coming from.
She should've worded it differently though.
I do however think she did want you there otherwise she wouldn't have invited you. My guess is that her husband was pressuring her and giving her a hard time about it, and she expressed herself to you under this pressure. And it came out that way. It was probably purposeful too. Not by her but by the husband. He probably wanted you to feel bad.
I know this because my dad makes really insensitive comments and does similar things like "you can come by on this day but not the next." "I'll see you the week before Christmas but not on Christmas." Without explanation or any sense. My dad was never like this before. But it's because he is in a very controlling relationship with this woman who is needy and likes to have things her way. And she puts pressure on him, and he expresses himself and acts insensitively because of the pressure he is under. He doesn't have the balls to confront her or put his foot down so instead he relays her unreasonable requests even though he comes off as a jerk. She is very jealous of my sister and I and of my dad having any social outlets but her. If he doesn't do what she says no matter how unreasonable, she broods and threatens to leave. It's really pathetic.
I think your friend wanted you there but didn't have the balls to confront her husband. So instead came off as a jerk.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 December 2015):
 I feel for you really I do as nobody should be alone at Christmas. My guess is that maybe they wanted to spend one of the days themselves as a couple and this is why the done what the did.
...............................
|
