A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Its about my best friend and me.I am noticing a strong feeling of irritability is developing between us, from my end.She has been my friend since 5 years and we share same sort of thoughts.The problem is she some times lies about herself to create a fake ideology, I know one or 2 such situation.Though she is hardly aware of this(that I know).If I say, she will either ignore or will be emotional.Sometimes she says many things to get her job done without mentioning her intention and most of all she does this to me too(sometimes).May be I don't require to put much of my head to it but I am more or less very straightforward and when I want to hide anything I just deny speaking about it without lying much.She had got a boyfriend whom I never met(he lives in other state and lived in other town 2 years back and they used to meet 4 to 5 times a year).At the beginning(when I met her), this guy(they were not in relationship at the moment and she was into him since she met him i.e., before we met) claimed himself to be married and was in her life before me.When I heard of this guy,it sounds the guy is not so clear of himself only and I didn't like it from her words but whenever she asked for any advice,I asked her to stay away from him showing all pros and cons.Later on they were in relationship and she claimed themselves to be happy and herself to be very much lucky for having this guy.I was not very much sure of anything but whenever she used to ask about their relationship,I liked to avoid.She put all my questions about this guy's marriage in trash by saying that this guy tried to avoid her(by saying about his marriage) as they can never marry since his family is orthodox(quite possible in India).Now they had a break up and she again revealed her confusion about his marriage, again when he calls her for once she is saying how much he loves her.Even when in relationship,sometimes there were days and weeks after arguments he would not talk and even would not apologize. I was aware of all these things and had a feeling that there was sympathy in his mind and just a habit of talking but not the care one should have.I know feelings can never be killed.But I have a sense of irritability whenever I hear about his love to her(from my friend).Sometimes I am sure she is mostly lying about him, specially his feeling.It makes me feel its fake.Why is it so?She shares her tensions too, but I don't pay heed to that thinking she is faking it and very possible because I hardly know him(other than from her words).Why is it happening?Should I ask her to stop discussing about her relationship problems to me?I know it will spoil our friendship.or should I keep quiet and listen without answering?but always I can't,I don't want to end up giving wrong suggestion for which I will hurt anyone(him or her).
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): Simply tell her that: I wouldn't want to give you the wrong advice because ultimatley, you are the one who will have to live with the consequences--good or bad.
Also, if you are really friends why would you not want to help her and listen to her problems and why would she be upset by your suggestions?
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