A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My friend, who is married, but does not sleep with her husband, has had a 10 year sexual relationship with a male friend. She has talked with him every day by phone, exchanged emails, visited with him and his parents, and exchanged birthday and xmas gifts for the last 10 years. This man has never been married and has a very large bank account; plus, he has no debt, and received $25, 000. as a buy out, from the company he worked for. My friend has numerous health problems, and was recently in trouble financially, when her she had no income for a month, while waiting for her E. I. to go through. Also, her medications cost her over $300. per mth. She recently asked her male friend, if he would lend her $1000. for a mth. until she received her cheque. He refused her, and was upset that she asked him for moey. She was upset, that he did not care enough to help her.She now believes that he was just using her, and does not actually care about her. Should she try and remain friends with him, even though she is very hurt by his actions? Should she just say goodbye?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 October 2011):
 There is no reason for her to be upset that he didn't want to lend her a huge amount of money. He may be her lover, and he may care deeply for her, but he is not a bank. Mixing money and relationships is a bad idea, no matter what. Money is one of the top reasons why people divorce or split up. Him not wanting to lend out money does not mean he doesn't care, it just means he is not comfortable giving her this amount of money. Because even if she had every intention of paying it back, there's still a risk she wouldn't, and the rule of thumb is to never lend out money you are not willing to GIVE away. She asked for a huge sum of money. He wasn't feeling comfortable about this. The way I see it she has no reason to accuse him of using her when SHE was the one who wanted all this money from him.
They're having a quarrel because they disagree, but it's got nothing to do with either being in the right or wrong, or either not caring about each other. They just have conflicting views on this. And I'm backing up the man. I can see why your friend would want his help, but he is not her husband and not required to help her financially. Nor is it wise to give away such a large amount of money, regardless of the length of their relationship and regardless of how much he trusts her and cares for her. Your friend needs to go to her husband for financial help, or to her own family, or to a bank to ask for a loan. I can see why she is hurt, but he is within his rights to not want to lend out this amount of money.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): Im afraid i think your friend is bang out of order in this!
Her male friend should have been the last person she went to regardless of how close they are!
Did she try family? What did her husband do while she was struggling for money? Did she ask him for help?
Your friends lover is already putting his life on hold for her, now she expects him to just hand over 1k and not worry? Get real!
Ofcourse he would say no, he'd be mad not too. Your friend shows all signs of a money grabber. He has absolutly no solid way of getting his money back from your friend because know one would know it was from him!
1000 is alot of money no matter who the person is or how much they earn, your friend is already taking advantage of this man by letting him put his life on hold for her!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2011):
 Some people have a policy never to mix love and money, or friends and money ( it sounds wise , I must say, seeing how many relationships and friendships have been terminated by financial deals gone sour ). Or, he may have a policy to never lend money, period. Which makes him perhaps not a generous person, but it's not to be taken personally.
Also, he may give a different evaluation about their grade of closeness and intimacy. From what you say, regardless of daily chit chat, it does not sounds that in 10 years they have taken any steps to make it more relationship-y , it sounds more like a casual thing than a secret love story. So probably this man thinks , not without reason, that she should have gone to her family ( husband included ) or closest friends for a loan, rather than to him.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 October 2011):
 Your friend's lover may have felt she was just using him to get money after his payout. He may also feel lending money to a person with numerous health problems is a risk, with little chance of being repaid.
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