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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi all, I hope someone can help me as I have a problem thats eating away at me. I have become really close friends with the lady I work with (Her company) since I began working with her in 98. I know her husband quite well because her business is run from home. Anyway, mid last year, and I had my suspicions, her husband told me that he had been unfaithful and that he wasnt proud of it and it would never happen again. I told him I really wish he had not told me but that I was willing to not say anything and if he did it again, I would have no option but to tell her. He also told her best friend who was having a break down at the time and because she spoke out (via friends), he denied it and now she doesnt speak to her anymore! By the end of last year, things were really up and down between them and my mind kept working overtime as to whether he was still being unfaithful and not necessarily the same woman (he is always chatting to women on these single sites and there have been loads!). This year however has been a huge disaster. It ended up with him moving out a month ago (trial separation to sort himself out) but he still works 2 days a week for the company. He partly blames her parents for the lack of taking to him since day one and also his illness (Chronic Fatigue since 97) but part of me says "theres nothing wrong with you - you just want to check out what the grass is like on the other side and if you dont like it, you can always come back hence not cut all ties". After the weekend, having spoken with him, she appeared to be more hopeful about everything and I was really relieved and happy but then yesterday, his first day into the office this week, he announces he wants a divorce and wants it quickly!! Im trying so hard to support her but I cant help but be hateful about him. His main concern now just seems to be the money and share of house - with the info I have, adultery, he could end up with nothing. My dilema is im a friend and her employee - do i say something and potentially lose my job if it back fires in my face/friend OR not say a word about what i know. Please if anyone thinks they can help I really could do with your advice cause its eating me up!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2006): If they are getting a divorce, then you need to tell her. If you believe that his infidelities were true, then sit down with this wife and tell her your concerns and what you know. His wife is at risk for a number of things here besides financial reprucussions from the divorce. With all the std's out there, she needs to know if he has been exposed to any of that. It has become not just a moral issue but a health issue, as well. She needs to have herself checked out. Be caring, but be prepared to tell her 'why' you didn't come forward earlier. She may want to know that, as well. Don't feel bad for not telling her sooner. This was a tough spot for you to be put in.
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