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male
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anonymous
writes: Hello there. In need of some help and advice!I'm 16 years old btw.Basically, my friends introduced me to this girl and we hooked up and now we been seeing each other for a week or so, But...she just broke up with her exboyfriend of 2 years (on and off), and I personally do not believe she has gotten over him. She talks about him a bit, she tells me how he always calls and texts her telling her he wants to be with her etc. But, she broke up with him because he wanted sex and she didnt, there were other reasons too.Now, I took her out to the cinema last night, and afterwards, we bumped into her ex, and instead of her walking away and just saying 'hi' to him, she was standing there for 35 mins talking to him (n.b. I was standing next to them all this time and he didnt introduce himself etc.) and he was saying how he missed her and telling her about his week's events etc. and she was all involved in it. He kept reminding her of all their past memories, and this gets to her, it really does. Then, when he left, he told her to come by his car window and he goes to her 'come to my house tommorow night, we havent spoken for a long time', and she immediately declined and came and told me how she thought 'he's such a prick, he wont leave me alone etc.', but evidently she still cant get over him. She always tells me how much she likes me and how much she'll miss me when i go to the states next week. She even started planning what and where we're going to go out when i get back from LA.What approach should I have? Should I show her I feel upset about this? Should I tell her that I dont think she's ready to be dating me right now, due to the wholly fact that she hasnt gotten over him, but she doesnt realise it herself? Or should i play it normal and HELP her get over him, as in, take her mind away from him and make ME the number one attention, and never talk about him? Cos i believe that if i do keep talking about him and let her know that i feel upset or used, this will uprise an issue between us, leading to unfortunate things.PLEASE HELP!!! lol thnx!
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male
reader, tux  +, writes (27 March 2006):
 Hopeful gave some good advice.
But it does sound like she wants to move on and she may still need that space. And being young doesnt help much either. Experience is a wonderful teacher. but definately have a little chat with her about it. My guess on the ex-bf part i sshe just doesnt know how to brush him off yet. and often as people there are a lot of things we do that hurt others unintentionally.. she may have not realized what she did.
A
female
reader, Angelicc  +, writes (27 March 2006):
 I'm going to say it straight your a rebound guy. sorry but its true shes just using you. move on
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (27 March 2006):
 It is a tricky one. Firstly I would enjoy your trip to the states and enjoy LA, it is an amazing place so have fun.
Secondly, I would have a chat with her and tell her that you are really into her but you respect that she has just come out of a serious relationship and if she needs some time to herself to think about if she is ready to get into a new relationship.
Often, it is very hard to leave an ex in the past. It is often hard to completely forget about an ex or forget the good times you had with them even when it is completely over. It doesn't mean you are still in love with them or still want them necessarilly.
I think that the only way to attack it is just to talk to her and tell her what you are feeling. I would also tell her how you felt when she chatted to her ex for all that time and didn't introduce you. That in my book was a bit mean and I think she should know how that made you feel.
I would hang in there, chat to her about it but at the end of the day follow your gut instinct.If this whole scenerio makes you uncomfortable and you have discussed it with her but you still feel concerned about it, maybe you should give her some space and see if you are still interested in each other down the track to consider it then.
Gut instinct on these things is pretty powerful.
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