A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend is in a bad bad situation.So im here to ask your advice that i can pass onto him because no matter how many times i tell him to come on here hes like... stubborn. lolIll cut this down so its a long story short but i hope you understand it as well!So i helped hook him up with this girl and they liked each other etc etc they got together, very much in love have done all the sexual stuff you can think of.She moved back to Germany because her mum wanted her too and it turned into a long distant relationship. blah blah blahThey broke up because they were fighting too much but then got back together because she was sorry about everything etc etc My friend doesn't feel the same way about her and wants to dump her and stay just as friends.He now has feelings for someone at college but still nothing can really happen because he is still going out with the girl in germany. Why doesnt he just dump her then if hes miserable with her? She cuts herself, like an emo... up her arm etc. She also sends him horrible emails about how my friend is a bad person so that makes him feel small, unwanted, and darn right bad about himself. Which makes him incredibly miserable upset etc and hes in a stalemate. Because he doesnt want to dump her then her do that because of him.I have said to him he should just do it if its making him unhappy but hes really concerned for her.What the heck can he do?Hope you understand all this.. Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): Leave her. She won't cut herself. Seh can't blackmail him into staying in a breaking relationship. She is mentally unstable
A
male
reader, Luaris  +, writes (22 February 2009):
 I agree with everyone else. Its not his fault shes like this and he should tell her parents.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 February 2009):
He has to man up on this one.
He has to tell her that neither of them are happy any more in the relationship and that he thinks it should end.
If she threatens herself with harm then he should call her house and tell her mother that she's cut herself and he's worried she may kill herself.
Once her mother storms into her room and checks her arms for cuts, she may get the idea that it's not cool or clever to threaten to self harm OR to actually do it. It's simply a symptom of mental illness in the same way a runny nose is a symptom of a cold.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): Dude. Rule #17 Never date emo girls.. Unless you're emo.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): I agree with UnclePhil it's not his fault nor should he be making this his problem.
She's emotionally blackmailing him and it's working, he's being taken for a ride, make sure you tell him there is nothing he can do to help her and staying in a relationship isn't good for either of them.
He's actually doing a bad thing by staying with her, because he's being an outlet for her problems, when what she actually needs is to sort herself out on her own.
She won't do any of the things she says she will, she's just playing games and trying to control him. If he doesn't let her go soon she could real damage to his to ability to enjoy future relationships, she's ruining him.
Just friends isn't going to work, she'll always do whatever she can to wreck his head and keep her claws deeply inbedded in him. He has to break off all contact with her and move on simple as that. She knows his buttons and she'll keep pressing them.
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A
female
reader, AllisonDro +, writes (22 February 2009):
Your friend's girl has some serious psychological issues. This is a tough situation, but it definitely isn't fair for your friend to feel obligated to be in a relationship with her just because he fears what she will do if he ends it. Is your friend close with her family at all? In this situation, I would suggest talking with her family about the issues shes having, because she needs professional help that your friend cannot give her. If she can't be happy with herself just by herself and would harm herself if he weren't with her, she has issues way bigger than the relationship.
If i were him in this situation, I would tell her family about the problems shes having and how she hurts herself, then run like hell away from her once other people have the idea that she is dangerous to herself.
Best of luck to your friend
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (22 February 2009):
 This is not a relationship lets be honest, she is in another country so could be doing anything and as for self harming hey i have been there and i would never ever do it to make someone stay with me thats just disgusting. He is unhappy.
He needs to call her or email her telling her exactly how he is feeling and that he feels trapped because he afraid she will cut herself because of him he needs to tell her how unhappy he is and that what they have is no longer a relationship and he is not able to deal with the emotional stress and blackmailing of her self harming.
If she then threatens to cut herself ect tell him to break all contact with her. This is not a relationship this is her being selfish and controlling. And to be honest i reckon she only threatens to self harm if he dumps her because she knows he wont.
Long distance relationships dont tend to work especially from diffrent countries tell your friend to just break it off and ignore what she says because at the end of the day if she is willing to kill herself over someone then she is not stable enough for any kind of relationship
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): If she wants to harm herself that's not his problem. Basically she's just about blackmailing him to stay with her - although he's not REALLY with her because she's in Germany.
I'd advise him to tell her where to get off so that he can get on with his life with someone normal - and closer to home.
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