A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend for many years. He's never had a girlfriend, just a few flings with women. He's a nice guy by all accounts and recently found a really nice girlfriend. After hearing about her for a few weeks we finally met at his fathers birthday party. She is lovely, I'm jealous but I keep that to myself. This woman and I hit it off liking the same music, trail hiking fishing, reading, the list goes on. When I see her, we seem to get lost in conversation and it was noticed. She came to my house unannounced telling me my friend is angry at her and me for getting too close. I told her I had attraction for her and I tried to keep it to myself, I said I guess I didn't do a good job of keeping it under a lid. She agreed and said she was just as much to blame. I said look we need to stay away from each other, he's in love with you, he's been my friend for a long time and I don't want to hurt him. She said she didn't want that, she wanted me as a friend and if he didn't like it too bad. I told her it was unfair to him and I'm sorry I can't be your friend if it's effecting him like this, I would not be happy either, I said I let it go too far. I should have been more firm. Well she went straight to my friend and dumped him. He called me cursing me out blaming me for stealing his girl. I tried to explain everything she and I discussed, he didn't care or want to know about it. I can't blame him. This woman came to my house unannounced again 2 nights ago. She said that I was" stuck in her mind wants to be with me". I told her I'd like that too but things got out of hand between all 3 of us and you and me are to blame, it's not a good idea right now. I said he's really angry and blaming me, I don't think he's ever going to forgive me. So now I feel if I choose her, I'm sure my friendship with him would never recover, if I choose to try and repair my friendship, that won't be easy or guaranteed. I will lose out on a relationship that seems perfect for this woman and me with more in common than any relationship I ever had. Mind you I have never had sex with this woman or even kissed her even though I want more than that with her. I tried not to let this happen and failed, but I don't think she tried to hide it now. Do you think she deliberately put herself between my friend and I. It seems either way, I'm the loser. I'm so mad at myself for letting this happen. And you know it's not like this woman has a lot going on for herself, how could I be so stupid.
View related questions:
jealous, never had a girlfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 November 2014):
 If you wrote the title to your post
"My friend's girlfriend has cost me the friendship" then you are obtuse as to WHOM wrecked this friendship. IT wasn't this girl - IT WAS YOU.
When she showed up at your house, you should have asked her to leave. But you didn't because SHE was paying attention to you, rubbing your ego.
She was looking to make friends with you. She was looking to "upgrade" from your friend to you, and you... gave her an opening.
One thing though - you friend is acting like a 5 year old who lost his lollipop. PEOPLE can NOT STEAL other people. SHE made a choice, YOU made a choice and NOW you are ALL saddled with the consequences.
And this woman? she is acting like a sleaze.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2014): I don't know what the complete situation is but what you did was wrong imo, you clearly pursued and flirted with your friend's gf. If you value your friendship tell this woman to go away for good and try to repair the damage you have done. I would wager a guess that yes she did set this up and she sounds like a game player /cheater to me so she will be history eventually and you will have lost your friend. If you get together with her and stay with her, you have lost your friend for sure with that result. I would never get involved with a friend's partner period.
...............................
|
