A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My friend has a dilemma and I think its all my fault. The problem is I spent a weekend with her and let it slip that her boyfriend kissed me. Although I made it clear that it was just a kiss as I walked around the corner I bumped into him and he stuck his lips out to mine, with a silly face on to kiss me and it was not in a sexual way whatsoever. I only bought it up because she said that He said he would never kiss anybody on the lips only on the cheek and that he found it disgusting. To my horror she confronted him immediately on the phone and he denied it completely.She seems to be stuck on this issue and keeps bringing it up with him and me. I really don't know what to do because I feel like somebody who's caused a rift in their relationship. However I do feel that she is a little too possessive and obsessive and gets grumpy if he talks to anyone male or female. On the other hand I feel like he is all has been a bit of a ladies man and perhaps he is trying to change his behaviour to please her, as I think he really loves her. I don't know what I should say or do to end this confusion, as it is it is causing her a huge dilemma and she feels that she should finish with him, if he is a liar. What should I do? He DID kiss me and I really wish I had not mentioned it, because it was not even worth it as it was not a serious kiss. However I do feel that he does act a little flirty with me or at least he did in the beginning and tried to hold my hips, a couple of times, while I was dancing, that is why I bought up the kiss as it didn't seem so serious in comparison. He has told my friend that he would swear on his life and his sisters and hers that the kiss never, ever happened. Also that he thinks I am trouble and that she should stay away from him. I feel that she is either big liar or he honestly has no memory of the kiss as it was just so spontaneous and this is just his style. There is also the possibility that he would deny it to avoid problems with his girlfriend who is obviously so distraught by this. I have suggested this to her that she says that she would prefer if he admitted and then she would at least know the truth and move on. But as it is she does not know who to trust any more. I feel that she trusts me but I would hate for it to become a bigger problem, which I fear it will. My friendship with her is important however not more important than her relationship so I would never lie just to keep her as a friend. Thinking I should just avoid them for a while but worried that she will always have this on her mind and if I see her again she will always remember me as associated with this kiss. Feels so stupid to me but maybe I would feel the same if it was my boyfriend and friend and both have opposite stories… I have tried my best to be objective in telling this story.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 June 2012):
 I think you did the right thing in telling her. It may not have meant anything, but I agree if you partner kissed other women I'd want to know.
If you had HID it and HE somehow had brought it up YOU would have looked bad.
I seriously doubt he will admit to it. And SHE wants to believe him. Because it's easier to believe that YOU might lie then the guy she loves would DO that to her. That, at least is my guess.
I'd back off for a while. And I wouldn't bring it up again, when you talk to her. You told her, she knows. Now it's up to her to deal with it her own way, whether it be denial or accepting it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2012): Correction: I meant that "I feel HE is either a big liar..." (NOT HER)Thanks for advice all. Much appreciated and watching out for more.Its very sad that girls always fall out over men and my friend have discussed this many times and are determined not to let it happen to us. This is why I can't let him present me as a desperate liar, which is insulting to me. However I will have to rise above it.Shame he cant just say - Yes i did, but it was no big deal. He can't because he had already convinced her that he would never kiss ANYONE on the mouth, EVER.He is saying that he is happy to meet me and straighten things out but i am dubious about it. However this makes me look like i am lying but i already know from his response that he will deny and so what is the point in meeting? It can only be a horrible confrontation...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2012): keep away for a bit.
you are stuck in the middle of someone else's drama. Your friend has been put in the dilemma of one of you is lying.
as long as you know it is not you, and you feel that you behaved honourably, that'll have to do.
you can't make her believe you and downgrade everything to "a humourous episode" when he denies that anything took place and you are inventing something to encourage the lie that there is something going on between you. his truth is that you are trouble, and your invention of the kissing episode is evidence of this.
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