A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:All of my friends are either in a long term relationship or already married and here I am, a few months shy of turning 25 and never had a relationship. Never even dated. The only experience I've had with being anything more than "just a friend" was a one night stand about three years ago. In short, my record with women is laughable at best, and the fact that I have no experience to speak of with them doesn't help either. I can't help but feel that everyone else is way ahead of me and here I am left in the dust.It's gotten to the point where I can't stand to be around happy couples. It's not that I'm not happy for them, it's just that they constantly remind me of what I don't have and yet want so badly. I try to put on my happy face and have fun when I'm with them but it constantly wears on me. Eventually it gets to the point where I just don't enjoy being around them.I'm tired of hearing all of the generic answers. You're still young. Wait till you get away from home. Focus on your education. Focus on getting a stable career. Be happy by yourself first. Well here are my answers. You tend to age quickly in my line of work (both mentally and physically). I've been out of my parents house for quite a while. I already have a college degree. I have a stable job as a cop. I am perfectly happy with myself, other than being a little shy sometimes. It's not like I don't have friends or hobbies. I'm even told that I'm a pretty good looking guy and all around a friendly person. Women just don't seem interested in me.I also hear to stop looking and somehow I'll find what I want. Other than not believing that at all, I wouldn't even know how to do that. How do you stop wanting something you want more than anything else? What makes me unworthy of finding the least bit of love? At work it tend to see people at their worst, is it so much to ask for to find a little bit of happiness?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): I was a 30 year old virgin. From this, I can say that it really messes with your head. Your outlook on life changes. You begin to feel like you're less than human, worthless. You see other people who you may consider to be losers, but they have girlfriends, with whom they're having sex. Sometimes in the apartment you can hear the people above or next door doing it So who's the loser now?I was told that I was good-looking, good personality, all the usual shit. Hell, I even had girls telling me that I was too nice! They would give me the usual female bullshit about how "one of these days you'll meet someone so special..."If this goes on long enough, you start to become filled with pure, unadultrated, burning, seething, hatred. This hatred is directed at everything: life, God, self, women, etc. Unless this hatred is at least mitigated (I've discovered that it's impossible to completely get rid of) it will eventually destroy you.I had wanted a girlfriend since I was fifteen or sixteen. Not just for sex, but for the same reasons that everyone else does. When I realized that this wasn't going to happen, I changed my focus. In my mid twenties, I gave up on the idea of love and made the decision to pursue sex. Lo and behold, it worked!You must come to your own decision that you want sex. Say things like "waiting for the right one, be true to yourself," etc. This is all crap. I think it was Dr. Phil who said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If something isn't working, change it!You must forget the romantic crap about love and sex, they have absolutely nothing to do with each other.So, lesson number one: forget love.I remember too well the "mystique" of women that so many people said before. Women say that they don't want to be treated like objects. Ha! It was when I finally began to treat women like objects that things finally began to happen for me. Go figure...That is lesson number two, and that is one that took me most of my adult life to learn.When I was twenty-five, I met this girl named Sarah. She was attractive, but had spent a little too much time in the sun. I could tell right off that she was a freaky chick. We talked and exchanged phone numbers, then fell out of touch. A few years later, the neighbors went on vacation, and guess who was the house sitter next door? Sarah!One night, she invited me over to watch a movie. She knew that I had no experience, and I think it was a turn-on for her. Anyway, it led to some seriously heavy petting. She asked if I wanted to fuck her, and I did, but we didn't have protection.Anyway, she taught me a lot that night. This marked the true beginning of my path toward not being a virgin.I learned several things that night. First, there is absolutely no mystery about women. They're actually quite simple once you learn. My God, check out how they go apeshit over that Twilight crap, and then tell me how complex they are!Second, if things seem right, do not be afraid to initiate contact. Sarah told me that if it wasn't wanted, the woman would push my hand away, etc. Might lead to an awquard moment, but so what. She also said that my hand probably wouldn't be pushed away too often.So, step one: Find someone who you can confide in, someone a little freaky, and have them teach you. It was fucking amazing!A few months later, I was feeling down again, and even though bars aren't my thing, I went to one. This was a Wednesday night, and it wasn't too crowded. There was this super hot blonde sitting at the bar by herself. A small group of guys was standing a short distance away, trying to get the courage to approach her. Fuck them! I walked up and took the stool next to her. We chatted for about an hour or so, than began another hour-long make-out session right there at the bar, sitting on the stools, in front of everyone! It was absolutely awesome!After being a Goddamn celibate my whole fucking life, I was going to make Goddamn sure the whole world saw me making out with this chick!We then went to my place, and made out some more. I tried to go further, but, exactly as Sarah had said, she gave signals that she didn't want to. If she was ok with the status quo, then so was I. I did get far enough to see that she had both nipples pierced!So, applying the lessons I learned from Sarah, "women are not a mystery" and "don't be afraid to initiate sexual contact," I had already come this far. I was still a virgin, but I was on my way!Several months after that, I went to a party. I met a woman who was about twelve years older. By this time, I was thirty and she was forty-two. She was slightly overweight, but I like them with a little meat anyway. Her name was Stephanie. She had been divorced three times, but so what! We exchanged numbers and talked on the phone for a few weeks. One Thurs night, she asked if it was ok for her to come over and spend the weekend at my place. I said yes.On Friday night, I was getting things ready for Saturday when Sarah called! She asked me if I had had my "first" yet. I told her no, but kept my mouth shut about Stephanie. She came over that night and I had my first! Then I had Stephanie the following night!Holy Fucking Shit! From worthless loser to near-player in a couple short years! Holy Fucking Shit!I was with Stephanie for a few years. Parents disapproved, but so what! Stephanie was a horndog! She wanted sex twice a day, and I gave it to her! It didn't wear off over time either. This was twice a fucking day for three years! Don't believe me? Don't care. I was there and you weren't . She wanted to go three times a day for awhile, but even I have to admit that, at that frequency, it was hard to keep the appendage hard.We broke up after those three years and went our separate ways. However, I learned two very important lessons from her.First, you may think that it's impossible to make up for lost time. That simply isn't true. It is very possible to make up for lost time with the right person.Second, and I can't stress this nearly enough, FIND AN OLDER WOMAN! FIND AN OLDER WOMAN! FIND AN OLDER WOMAN! They don't have the bullshit and baggage that the twenty-something or even the thirty-somethings do. They know what they want and they know how to take it!A few weeks later, (remember love is irrevelant) I met another woman. We had sex on our second date. I fell in love as much as my stone-cold heart would allow. After three years, she is now my wife.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): My good man...dont turn on the sirens just yet lol you make some assumptions here and I'll politely point them out. First, relationships arent all lovey dovey...you dont see what goes on behind closed doors lol. They take work and in the end are good dont get me wrong, but youre putting them like on a pedestal when you shouldnt.
I can sense your pure frustration buddy and I can somewhat relate as I feel left in the dust with my experience with women. Ive had a couple relationships, not many I might add. Im on my third lol. Dont go looking for love and attaching such an emotion to a woman...as you can easily set yourself up for disaster. Its all about staying level headed and by that I mean both logic and emotion must be equally balanced. Ill give you a personal example: Cause I was so pissed at how casual sex is in the states and the fact that I was inexperienced, I was initially gonna lose my V card with three women...to show people there and tell them indirectly that if they see me as different, I will go and be different and do something outrageous. Well, that decision woulda been based on pure anger and hate and while yours is positive, it can still have a bad affect because emotions in general can cloud judgment easily.
Step back and always think and logical decisions can never disappoint.
You should be clever with your job man and use that to your advantage...like sell it kinda. It speaks a ton about your personality...shit im built like robocop but Ill be damned if I ever go up against ed 209 lol. I just dont have that in me and thats an easy icebreaker for you to get engaged with ladies wherever cause no doubt it takes a special personality to do what you do and I, despite my brushes with law my man, respect you greatly. Dont be subtle about ur career...advertise that shit lol cause women will see you as a man with some balls and they want to feel protected, stable, and secure. Im sure youve got stories to tell. Sure, you have a risky job but if you do things right and follow order and use good judgment hopefully you will always be safe :). Hope some of this crap helped lol. Best to you sir.
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A
female
reader, BadAsh6705 +, writes (14 November 2010):
 I'm sorry, I don't have an answer for you because I don't think there is an easy answer to this question, the one I have myself been asking for a year now. I just thought it might help to know that there are others out there thinking the same thing you are, so don't give up!
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