A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My friends have started to exclude me from outings and alienating me or acting as if I'm not even there. I haven't done anything to hurt anyone, I don't even bitch about people, I'm usually just a by stander as my other friends bitch. I don't understand why would they exclude me, and lately it's been getting a lot more harder to cope with. All my girl friends, we're all on normal terms, some closer than others but than I haven't done anything in order for them to make me dislike me, why would they do this? Maybe I have, I'm not too sure but I just feel like no one likes me nor cares about me. My feelings never come into consideration anymore, I don't usually complain or anything of that sort, I usually keep it bottled up inside me. I do have a friend I can talk to but our group excludes both of us and it's just not fair. What am I going to do? I know I should confront them but what if nothing changes? What if they continue hurting me and my friend's feelings? What if they just think "Oh who cares, it's just those two", as if I'm not even part of the group. You're probably going to say you should just leave your friends, they all sound like bitches but I don't have that many people that I'm close to outside of my friendship group. That's why I feel so useless, no matter what I do, they'll still have all the power in the end. I feel like the only way for me to actually get noticed is to hurt myself or something, I don't know. I just feel so inadequate and depressed, I never thought they'd go this far to alienate me :/
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 September 2012):
 Have you tried approaching one of them and asking if something is up?
You're stewing in all these assumptions and feeling terrible, but for all you know there is something, it could be minor and easily taken care of. Or perhaps there is another reasonable explanation that has nothing to do with you.
It could be that because you don't complain or stand out in any way they have overlooked you.
I wouldn't just ditch them without at least asking.
A
female
reader, HardToExplain  +, writes (10 September 2012):
 I know exactly how you feel, I've been left out of my group of friends countless amounts of times. I know how horrible and down putting it feels. Sometimes I put it down to my friends just being their ignorant and careless selves but other times I notice that I can become a little anti-social on times. This made me realise that I should make my friends want to have me around, and that I should show my true self and how fun and great it is to be friends with me. Now, I try not to blend into the background and actually join in with conversations and stuff, why don't you try organising something maybe? Maybe you could go shopping, see a film or just something girly and fun, just bring it up in conversation or something!
Other solution could be, just find new friends! You say that you have a closer friend that also gets excluded by your group of friends, she obviously feels the same way about things. A good thing is to just become best friends with her, I honestly feel having 1 best friend is better than a group of people you don't feel happy around. I'm in the exact same situation right now, but I know I have my best friend and that if I have any problems that we can talk to each other and just have a really good time when we feel like it! I'm not very popular and a last last resort is trying to befriend people I already know, but you know if you have a best friend with you, making newer friends becomes easier because you know your best friend has your back and that if things don't work out you'll have each other.
Seriously, as I said earlier, I think that having 1 best friend is better than having to suffer being left out in a group of friends you don't enjoy being around because they make you feel inadequate and depressed. Keep that in mind. I really do hope things work out for you and I'm sorry I can't offer any better help because I'm in the exact same situation right now too :( x
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