A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why is everybody looks so happy with their life although i know they might have their own problems but i feel like a loser seeing my friends life. Im 25 yo. Have a longterm boyfriend that proposed to marry me but im still waiting for him to be more mature and financially stable for our living. Im so jealous whenever my friends got married. Having children having a good and success husband and living a happy life.My boyfriend is driven and ambitious but i think hes just not smart enough and prefer easier job which dont require so much stress for him. I know he tried hard to make money but im not sure that he will succeed because theres no guarantee for that. His family is average but not rich and his parent dont support his carreer. Ive seen my friends married. Have success husband and children living in a good house. I envied that much. It sometimes make me depressed and wish i could be them. But i love my boyfriend so much. Hes a good husband material for me.I have no best friend since i graduate from my college. I rarely hang out with friends and lack of social life as i spend almost all the time at home. I only hang out with my bf and my family. Looking at facebook and instagram makes me so jealous and down. Is it me the only one who life such a boring life?I maybe sound like a spoilt brat but i really need help and advice. I would love to get some opinion and experience. Thank you
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ambition, best friend, depressed, facebook, jealous, money Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 September 2015):
 My "take" on your question is that you sound depressed and sad about something that isn't really a problem but you think it is. Try looking at your question from a different point of view.Best wishes
A
female
reader, Anonny  +, writes (8 September 2015):
You have a good husband - be grateful for that! Many people may see that & think how lucky YOU are!!!
Facebook & Instagram only show what people want you to see. We could all put up a picture of a sunset or a sports car & say this is "my life".
The grass always looks greener on the other side - just remember that & be grateful for what you have!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2015): You don't know what happens in the lives of people beyond Facebook and behind closed doors. No one likes to air their dirty laundry, and Facebook lives are much better that reality. You are offering a very immature impression of yourself, to believe people are always happy. You don't know anything about their personal-lives; other than what you see in pictures or on public display.
Like anybody else, they fight and have problems. They may be financially successful, that doesn't guarantee a happy marriage. Many live on credit and/or compete with their neighbors, to outshine everybody else. Some have lousy dysfunctional marriages; and just hang-on for the sake of the children, or for appearances. Especially when they spend a lot of time bragging and making a public spectacle of how happy they are.
If your boyfriend chooses a job he is happy with, works hard, and he is good husband material; then that will offer you a life of contentment, and you can both create happiness together. Or, someone better for him will come along and care more about him than what he has, or can provide. It's true marriages fail under financial strain; but too often people get married before the couple had their lives prepared for it in the first place. Maybe a crisis came along and they suffered financial losses. Good relationships survive catastrophes and couples remain intact through thick and thin. That's real love.
Why are you placing the burden of being successful on him? You have a college degree. If you want financial-success, why don't you challenge yourself and set your own goals?
You are concerned too much about appearances, and not enough about the substance that builds a successful relationship. You should want stability, compatibility, good communication, and compromise. If you have a good mixture of these ingredients, you will build a very happy life together; and you will not even be concerned about what "things" or how much money other people have. You want something real as opposed to the window-dressing people like to publish to impress other people. Most of it is total bullsh*t, and showing-off. Pathetic cravings for attention and to create envy.
Appearances and contrived displays of happiness are what people want others to see. It's what's hidden behind all that, that you don't get to see.
Like movies stars holding hands in swank restaurants, jet-setting on lavish vacations. All for the publicity one minute, and breaking up for all the world to see the next. One broken marriage after the other. All the money in the world, success, and good looks. But that's all it is.
Looks and images. A constant performance.
I think you should put more pressure on yourself to succeed; if you want the good-life. Not your boyfriend. Don't consider marrying him if he doesn't have the level of ambition you want in him. Unhappiness starts from placing expectations on other people, you're unwilling to place upon yourself. Looking for someone to provide you with what you want, and not showing any initiative to offer equal effort to supplement, support, and contribute to those high expectations you have for life.
Set whatever criteria you wish for in a partner. Seek someone who has what you want; but don't set your high expectations on others, and not be willing to push yourself just as far.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (7 September 2015):
Life is what you make it .. not what material things you have or gauges on your success.. yes money helps ..being comfortable .. being content . Sas a mental health nurse here is my penny's worth .. stop looking at your friends life style . Concentrate on you and your bf . Find yourself some hobbies.. get to the gym on all female night . Make new friends with whom you can have a girlie night out .. go out with your bf .. take up a hobby together .. my husband isn't a great drawer but he tries as he knows I love art and we can hee at mostly his drawings haha .. Be patient . Your still young . Don't wish your life away .. travel a little before settling down And having babies .. and had anyone told you babies are for life and take a lot of work and time . So make sure you and your husband to be have the right foundation to start . And lastly be kind to yourself .. envy isn't a bad thing .. its how we control it .. I'm sometimes envy my friend who had no children and can come and go as she pleases .. This is after a hard day with all the kids whining, lol but then as I bathe my brood and soothe their troubles I think hmm it's nice my friend has this peace and time with her fiancee as it too shall pass and I look at my children's happy faces and I'm contentSo don't beat yourself up for feel a pang of ENVY open up your life to opportunities and activities that make you happy and keep your relationship content . Don't judge your life on other people's .. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors .. Take care sweetie, chin up.
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