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female
age
51-59,
*uriousJaneDoe
writes:I'm 40, he's 22 and we've only been friends a short while. He's very intelligent - and I thought deep, until he told me that he doesn't associate with unattractive people because it badly reflects on him. He's heterosexual and his male friends have to be attractive also. I asked him about just hanging out ALONE with someone who's unattractive and he wouldn't want to do that either. He just doesn't want to be around "ugly" or "obese" people.He's a really nice young man which is what I find confusing. He spends a lot of time working on his body - he's well-sculpted, wears tight clothes, has all his hair removed and goes to a tanning salon. But talking to him, he seems like an intelligent, kind-hearted and deep person. Having not grown up in his generation I can't understand this. Can anyone explain explain if this is a common thing and the result of kids his age being even more brainwashed by the media than my generation? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CuriousJaneDoe +, writes (31 March 2012):
CuriousJaneDoe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your responses - especially CindyCares, Miamine & Therain. Oldbag, I don't fancy him but I've been defensive because I don't usually come across people who are understanding, sympathetic, intelligent, appreciative & considerate. I find him to be an especially nice person but maybe it's because I look like a pretty girl, I don't know. CindyCares brought up a good point - that he's so young and hopefully will change. I know his core values have to do with helping the world, but his social circle (facebook, clubbing, etc.) is about image - something I'd like to ask him and other people his age further about.
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reader, oldbag  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 you should read the book Devil Wears Prada and you will recognise your friend as same employees of the fictional magazine.I heard its based on fact.as a note i dont like tracksuit wearing obese people much but its because ones i meet are in the benefit culture so lazy and ignorant Do you fancy him as your very defensive?
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reader, Miamine +, writes (31 March 2012):
 Janniepeg, highlights the important point that their world is different and their access to knowledge is immense. Everyone says that it's just this guy who is the problem, but I'm not sure. It's reflected in the things young people buy and consume, it's also reflective of the views when you talk to many of them or interview them...
But I ask you, where is Mama Cass, where are the Lee Marvin's in their world. Name me one young movie star or music star, who hasn't been nipped, tucked, plucked and painted? I lose count of who is who because to me they all look similar.
Can ugly or fat people be famous in this world? How about too tall or too short?... even the larger sized singing ladies soon lose loads of weight and look like everybody else? Will the fat lady stop singing soon and opera's will stop? (the new opera singers seem tiny compared to the past) Where are all the people with beards, where have all the hippies gone to. Why are young men and women plucked of all their body hair? Now even the people playing concert standard violin and piano all seem to be movie star gorgeous.
lol.. sigh, no wonder the young don't listen to me.. I'm from a totally different type of world and my views about beauty seem strange to them. *goes off to find some flowers to stick in her hair, and thinks about growing a beard*
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reader, Miamine +, writes (31 March 2012):
Yes babes, this type of thinking is common in young people. I have argued with them about this and pointed out the flaw about only treasuring physical beauty.
They don't listen. My young cousin showed me one of them young people films, about some beautiful people bullying the less attractive brainy kids. He told me, this is how it is in his world, and I believe him. He doesn't have one ugly friend. He dumps anyone who isn't attractive, goal orientated or successful.
My heart bleeds for this current generation, and it bleeds even more when I think of their children. (our grandchildren)
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 The OP's friend is taking a proper bashing, but...maybe he's not as bad as he sounds. I mean, come on, the guy is TWENTY, do you take him seriously. At that age they say a lot of stuff that in ten years they'll be ashamed to remember . All this posturing to me is like whistling in the dark-he is an insecure, it may be due to his own personality , or , simply to his age. A lot of people feel insecure about their worth at that age, and understandably so . They have no position, no serious money, no particular accomplishements, no life experience, no strong sense of self, nothing special who'll make them stand out in a crowd- the sexual and social competition is fierce, ... and they just look clumsily for a way to reinforce their identity and self image. That's what the piercings and the tattos are mostly about-... and, on the other end of the spectrum, the die-hard metrosexual like this guy.
I would not take his pronunciations too seriously. Life will change him, and teach him what counts more, probably.
The fact that he sounds intelligent and mature only goes to show that intellectual intelligence and emotional intelligence are distinct and separate. He might have a high I.Q. and a low E.Q. . There are a lot of brainy people that are not very full of empathy and compassion, and he may be one. But still I would not decide he's a sociopath or a horrible person. Like Tisha-1 says, nothing that time and wrinkles won't be able to care.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (31 March 2012):
The OP's friend is taking a proper bashing, but...maybe he's not as bad as he sounds. I mean, come on, the guy is TWENTY, do you take him seriously. At that age they say a lot of stuff that in ten years they'll be ashamed to remember . All this posturing to me is like whistling in the dark-he is an insecure, it may be due to his own personality , or , simply to his age. A lot of people feel insecure about their worth at that age, and understandably so . They have no position, no serious money, no particular accomplishements, no life experience, no strong sense of self, nothing special who'll make them stand out in a crowd- the sexual and social competition is fierce, ... and they just look clumsily for a way to reinforce their identity and self image. That's what the piercings and the tattos are mostly about-... and, on the other end of the spectrum, the die-hard metrosexual like this guy.
I would not take his pronunciations too seriously. Life will change him, and teach him what counts more, probably.
The fact that he sounds intelligent and mature only goes to show that intellectual intelligence and emotional intelligence are distinct and separate. He might have a high I.Q. and a low E.Q. . There are a lot of brainy people that are not very full of empathy and compassion, and he may be one. But still I would not decide he's a sociopath or a horrible person. Like Tisha-1 says, nothing that time and wrinkles won't be able to care.
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reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 "It's ironic that he won't hang out with people who are not attractive, yet his bigotry makes him disgustingly and horrifically ugly and hideous, with a deformed spirit."
-I agree with YouWish. She's hit the nail on the head. I wouldn't want to hang out with an ugly person like him, even if he could give me a great perspective into the reasons for the 2008-9 financial crisis or explain the agenda of the BRICS summit with ease. Intelligence per se doesn't make anyone a great person. I'd rather be with a kind and compassionate person than an intelligent one with a hideously ugly heart.
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reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (31 March 2012):
 Bigots aren't kind people. They can talk good game, but deep down, they hate. Bigotry stems from irrational hatred, ignorance and fear...this isn't someone you'd really want as a friend, would you?
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reader, CuriousJaneDoe +, writes (31 March 2012):
CuriousJaneDoe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry - he's 20, not 22. And I swear to God he's an extremely kind person and not a sociopath or psychopath. He IS intelligent from the conversations we've had about politics, psychology and news; he reads good books and wants to do good for the world. He's one of the most considerate people I've met, which is why I'm so confused. He's one of the few people who actually listens when I talk and asks questions, rather than wait for his turn to talk. So when he told me this it blew my mind, and it wasn't something that he sounded proud of. I asked him if he thought he was brainwashed by the media and he said "definitely." I didn't push the issue any further, but will talk to him more about it because it really befuddles me. (I just remembered we went to a take-out place and noted how considerate he was to the woman who brought our food out and she was obese and does not fit the "attractive" standard.) I think he's nice and considerate to all people, but when it comes to picking friends, the group he "hangs with"...well, that would be another story. To the person who asked what he does for a living, he's training to be a vet.
I know that he didn't always have a "perfect" physique like he does now, and he doesn't consider himself a "10" so I'm wondering if he has insecurity issues about his own looks and is projecting them...and I'm still wondering if younger people who are more influenced by the media are like this. I remember having lunch with my cousin a while back - she's ten years younger than me - she and her male friend were people watching out of the window and making comments like "s/he was hit by the ugly stick." Also when she goes out at night if she doesn't like what one of her girlfriend's is wearing - if it's embarrassing - she'll force them to change before stepping out with them. Again, she's also basically a nice person.
So you guys don't think it's a brainwashing generational thing, where the younger they are, the more image-oriented they are?
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 March 2012):
 Ah, he's living in fear. Nothing time and wrinkles won't cure. :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): What industry does he work in?
Dunno how you can say he is kind hearted Only to the size zero perfect ultra cool people. Take it you are or he would not associate with you.
Not a generation thing its a character thing
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): he's shallow, vapid, narcissist and intolerant, I could go on but I'll stop here, he can be kind-hearted toward people he find attractive or his equal, but I doubt he would be kind to an obese woman for instance, or an ugly man he did not consider worthy of his niceties , he doesn't hang out with ugly people you shouldn't hang out with idiots. As to intelligent I doubt a little too, he should know that in a crowd with ordinary looking people, his good looks would stand out a lot more as opposed to a crowd with only handsome young men, as self-centered as I believe this sort of people to be, they love all the attention they can get. It's not about age or generation, there has been people like him in the past and they'll continue to exist, I personally would not like to associate with this kind of people.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): He's a complete narcissist who only values people in terms of how good they make him look.
He's also an idiot because being the hottest guy in a group of guys is generally the best option, it's simple logic. You're the most attractive there less competition, you look like you put more importance in personality than looks when choosing friends and that reflects well and works well at easing any qualms or intimidation that women may have about not fitting your standard and frankly I would question the sexuality of a guy like that. Not to sound derisive but it doesn't sound very heterosexual to only want to be around hot, hunky men now does it?
He's not intelligent at all OP he's a narcissistic sociopath, maybe even a full blown psychopath. He sounds like Patrick Bateman from the book/movie American psycho.
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reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 Being in a younger generation has to do with it. There are more people in the world but fewer jobs so appearance is very important in order to leave a good impression. It is actually not hard to be attractive, especially with all the information on how to improve diet, muscle tone and beauty tips for women.
Me myself I would rather have an obese friend with a fun loving personality than with someone who's hypercritical, uptight and perfectionistic. EEW, what kind of guy goes to a tanning salon? Maybe if he has a next life he would be reborn into a man with a thyroid problem and 300 pounds overweight. Then he would see how difficult it is to lose that weight.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (31 March 2012):
 Let's say your friend said:
"I only hang out with white people"
"I only hang out with people with money"
"I only hang out with young people"
"I only hang out with non-smokers"
"I only hang out with (fill in the religion)"
"I only hang out with people who aren't disabled".
"I refuse to associate with homosexuals."
Your friend isn't shallow. He's a bigot. People would rip him a new one if he mentioned he wouldn't hang out with a minority, or an old person, or someone not his culture or religion, and they'd have big issues if he wouldn't hang out with someone in a wheelchair.
The obese or unattractive is the last frontier where it's acceptable to be bigoted. They're made fun of in the media. They're socially outcasted.
He's not a nice young man. If he can be nice to you, but act with bigotry and disdain on someone he feels is "beneath" him, then he is not nice at all.
It's ironic that he won't hang out with people who are not attractive, yet his bigotry makes him disgustingly and horrifically ugly and hideous, with a deformed spirit.
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reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (31 March 2012):
 hes shallow- generations dont come into it at all.
if looks is all someone values they don't have much depth despite any apparent intelligence.
personally i believe in intelligent behavior which this doesn't apply to
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reader, person12345 +, writes (31 March 2012):
 It's not a generational thing, your friend is just shallow. He doesn't care about the quality of someone's character, all that matters is appearance.
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