A
female
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anonymous
writes:I am wondering if my ex bf was trying to use me for sex. On the first date he said to me at the end of the night "do you want to take things to the next level" and I said no, assuming he meant sex. I must have appeared freaked out cause i was. He then went onto say he didnt mean sex, he meant as in be gf and bf. To me that seems to be a weird way to ask someone out. Do you think he was just trying to cover up what he said? On the 2nd date he asked me to sleep with him, I said no because it was way to soon. Mind you, i think he would have asked me on the first date but i had to leave early that night cause i had work the next morning.From then on, he would ask me everytime I saw him. It seemed to be such a big deal to him and when I said no, he would say things like "awww dont you trust me babe" and make me feel guilty. Often he would try shoving his hands down my pants and i would pull them out and he would put them right back in there. I told him i want to take things slow but he still kept putting his hands down there. He tried forcing himself on me one night and i told him to get off me but he wouldnt and he said 'come on, we wont have sex, i just want to see if it fits' i told him it would fit so there is no need to try. i tried pushing him off me but i wasnt strong enough. he slowly got closer to me so that his penis was touching the outside of my vagina and i told him i wasnt ready and i said please please please get off me, but yet again he didnt seem to really understand. eventually somehow he decided to give up on trying. a couple of weeks later he broke up with me, he said his feelings changed 3 weeks ago, which was when that last incident of him forcing himself on me happened. i asked him if it had anything to do with me not being ready and he said no. One of his friends (lets call him G) who set us up in the first place tells me that there is no way that my bf used me for sex. G says he isnt like that at all. However i dont know if i can believe G because when G set us up he told me that me and my bf were so much alike. He made him seem like a dream guy with similar values and so on. Then not long after we had been going out, G started saying horrible things about my bf, saying that he likes to sleep around with random girls and so on. It was as if he was trying to break us up. Now we have broken up, G denies saying those things and is making out as if my ex bf is perfect and would never do such a thing. I dont understand why he is doing this? I feel like G has played with my mind and my relationship with my ex. Before me and my ex bf got together, G did have a crush on me i think, but it was his idea to set me up with his friend (my ex). I dont know what to beleive!!!help??
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female
reader, USAGRL12783  +, writes (8 May 2010):
Ask him to stop, and if he doesn't, tell him that you'll do something he will not forget. Then go tell someone IMMEDIATELY!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): You are definately better off with being rid of that porr excuse for a human. And as for your friend, I think you are better off just speaking to him and being upfront, it seems thats the only way to sort out this confusion! I'm a strong believer in talking your feelings out with people, that way everyone is on the same page and there is FAR less confusion. xxx
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 He makes you feel desirable and sexy and thats why you feel that you want him back.
They say girls always fall for jerks or rogue guys.
A part of your nurturing instincts think you can manage him and reform his ways.
There is the excitement and the element of danger in this kind of relationship.
A lot of women have been used and abused by men who don’t respect them, early on. Hence, there is a tendency to gravitate to such men.
This is just my personal opinions only about why you want him back.
If he only had more patience or learned his seduction techniques properly...LOL!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): All I can say to you is that if you want him back you must need your head examining - and I don't mean that in any derogatory manner.
Look at the facts - he very nearly raped you and if your resolve had been any less he certainly would have done.
Trust me darling - you don't want this guy anywhere near you. He's bloody bad news and unless you have a fantasy about being raped the sensible thing would be to have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with him. Prepare yourself to be a witness for the prosecution if ever he rapes another woman - and it seems likely he might.
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female
reader, brooke5426  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 You want him back because he broke up with you. Its human nature to want what you cant have. But please dont take him back. This man sounds dangerous! God only knows what he has done to girls before you or will do to girls after you. He is vile and you absolutely did the right thing by sticking to your guns and not having sex with him.
Just wanted to see if it would fit? Please. If that wasn't so infuriating it would be funny. He was so out of order and you dont need a crystal ball to know that one day this guy is gonna be in jail for rape. Stay away from him, there are plenty of guys out there who are decent so dont go near the ones who should be hung.
take care
Brooke
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): To be honest your friend probably didnt know that your ex would be like that. Someone can make a brilliant friend but be a terrible boyfriend. So G wouldnt know what your ex would be like as a boyfriend or how he would treat you.
You had a really lucky escape. You did the right thing completely and should be proud of yourself. Don't speak to your ex again and if your friend doesnt believe the way he treated you or condones it any way I would have to end the friendship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJess- Thankyou for your reply. Yeah G told me that my ex bf harrased him into setting us up. Cause G mentioned to him he had a single friend (me) and then for months my ex bf kept harrasing him to set us up. G said at first he didnt want to set us up cause he didnt think it would work for us, but he did so cause he felt pressured into it. He said 'i couldnt say no to my best friend'. However I dont know if i can believe this because G was talking him up to me so much saying how great he would be for me etc...why would he do this if he thought we wouldnt work out? and why does he make my ex seem to be an angel now after we have broken up? somethings not right.
Uncle Phil- Thanks for your reply too. As crazy as it may seem, I do feel I need somoene to tell me I am better off without him. I actually want him back...even though I know thats a bad idea. I dont really understand why I do. I guess part of me is still in denial.
Laura1318- What you said makes alot of sense, thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): Your friend G a man?
This guy your friend set up is a jerk and only wanted sex. Your lucky, it sounds like he was close to rapeing you!
Time for new friends!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (6 April 2008):
They are like snakes from the same snake pit ,
get rid of one , get rid of the other.
End of the story.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): That's a nice line about not wanting sex, but just wanting to see if it fits! Brilliant angle that! I must put that one in my 'come in handy box'!
You don't need anyone to tell you you're a lot better off without this potential rapist. It can't be said that he was using you for sex because he didn't get any. By the sound of it he tried bloody hard though!
I'd suggest you don't get involved with G either. Maybe they've got some sort of competition going on between them to see who gets into your knickers first. Forcing yourself onto a woman is not the most romantic way to go about obtaining her trust and affection is it? I wouldn't have trusted this guy any further than I could spit, that's for sure. You've had a lucky escape.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): Oh my goodness! You poor thing! Well done for sticking up for yourself, that guy is such a dirty sleez! "I just want to see if it fits"?!!! Who the hell was he trying to kid? Good grief. I repeat, good for you for sticking with your principles, that was very brave of you. As for your friend, I don't know what he was playing at! It kind of sounds like your ex asked him to set you two up and then once you were together your friend realised he had made a mistake and tried to split you up. Sounds confusing though! xxx
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