A
female
age
30-35,
*ecrethelp
writes:Hiya everyone, I really need some help. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now, he's 19 and I'm 17. We have split up twice since we've been together both of those times were through his decision. The first time-because I went into my local pub and had a few drinks with some guy friends I have known since I was young but he doesn't like them. The second time because 2 girls told him when we split up the first time I had sex with my ex, which I didn't. When he finally believed me and found out the truth we got back together. I feel really insecure, even though I know he'd never cheat on me and I know he loves me very much. I just watch everything I do so that I don't upset him. I'm in 6th form and I work after school twice a week and on a Saturday so in my spare time he likes me to go and see him. When we first got together he was the sweetest guy ever, he still is. At the moment though I just feel so left out of his social life. This week he's been out with his friends 4 times and got pissed as a twat and when I saw him Wednesday night we stayed in, we always stay in unless we go out with HIS friends. Last night we stayed in-even though I wanted to go out with him and get a bit drunk and have a giggle. Today I have been left at his house when he has travelled 30 miles away to go on his motorcross bike with one of his friends. I have hardly seen him all week and this week is just an example. I'm not the type of girl that doesn't want him to go out with his friends, coz I do, I know that it's good to have your own space in a relationship and I encourage him. I just wish we did more stuff together, I mean yeah it's nice to grab something to eat and snuggle up on the sofa to watch a film but we do that every weekend. Sometimes I would like to get out with him too. I just feel like he takes me for granted. I talked to him about it last night and he twisted it all and threw it back in my face saying 'I can't control his life', I don't want to, I just want him to consider me too. He also said he thinks I have a confidence disorder or something but I'm extremely confident about myself. I don't know what to say to him to make him see how I really feel. Any suggestions? Thanks x
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female
reader, Secrethelp +, writes (18 April 2008):
Secrethelp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much for your help Emilysanswers... i have spoken to him about it again and since then we have spent the day together at Alton Towers, been for a meal and gone out for some drinks alone and with some friends. He apoligised for the way he has been treating me and say's he doesn't mean to take me for granted and that the last thing he wanted to do was lose me because i am the most important thing to him in his life and that he was sorry he only just realised that. again thankyou for your help... your a star!! xx
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 April 2008):
A clear case of the Pot calling the Kettle Black. I think he is the one with a confidence disorder.
How DARE he leave you at his house while he goes off motorcross riding? That is so INCREDIBLY disrespectful. He wants you to just sit in the house, be quiet, and not go out having any fun at all. He could have taken you with him, or told you he was going off having a boy day so you could go out with your mates instead. He also has NO RIGHT to tell you that you can't have male friends. You went for a drink with them in a public place and he split up with you. That is a bit psycho.
I never normally say this to people because I know how much love can make you want to make things work... But dump him. What are you getting out of this relationship? You already sound like his little wifey at home. He'll be asking you to do the washing up and make the tea next.
You've tried talking to him and he's not willing to be rational or mature about it. Instead he throws a temper tantrum and tries to make you feel like it's your problem.
Tell him you want to go out this weekend and have dinner and see a film and then have a couple of drinks. If he doesn't agree then tell him it's over. You have A-levels and a life of your own to concentrate on. You are better off single if you are thinking of going off to the other end of the country to uni as well.
Look after yourself. Your happiness should be the most important thing in your life.
Good Luck!! xx
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