A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I gave my friend some advice now I think I done the wrong thing.My friend is very shy, has low confident and I always feel slightly sorry for her. She has never had a boyfriend and one day she started telling me about this guy at work who was flirting with her, she was all excited because he asked her out on a date but it never actually happened. Anyway a few months later she was still speaking to him and he walked her home one night from a work night out, they ended up kissing (nothing else) and she was over the moon, however after that nothing really happened except from the odd kiss and cuddle and they were still "friends", she was so happy although she was upset that they never went out and he only spoke now and again but she said she was just happy that someone was showing an interest.I told her to stay away from him because he was just using her and I also found out he had a longterm girlfriend, she was gutted that he was already with someone and ceased all contact with him. She has even changed jobs because she felt stupid for falling for such a player, it turned out she wasn't the only one he was doing this too. Her confidence was low before this and she never felt like she deserved to be someones girlfiend. I feel like I shouldn't have said anything at least then she would still be happy (it was the happiest I have ever seen her)even if I do get her to come out all she talks and thinks about is him, she was totally into this guy. She even says herself that she wants to call him and say she doesn't mind him having a girlfriend although deep down I know she does, I basically told her yesterday she needs to forget him because he's not worth it and she isn't the type of girl to do that to another girl. I think she just misses the attention he gave her. Did I do the right thing?
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at work, confidence, flirt, kissing, never had a boyfriend, player, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): Even though it must have hurt her, yes you did the right thing. It's better she found out now before things went any further with this guy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): Yes!
I feel like I have been your late bloomer/low conficence friend when I was a bit younger. I used to get caught up with guys that didn't really care about me. Though my friends silently disapproved, they never gave me direct advice about it. I ended up wasting a lot of time with a guy who after a year, I came to realize I didn't even really like. Ultimately, it was my own fault.
She doesn't miss him, she misses the attention. If she's a novice at dating, she probably doesn't know how to recognize her own feelings...or read the feelings of others.
It's not the sort of thing where she can thank you later for the advice, but I think you did the right thing and encouraging her to value herself more than he values her.
If she does contact him again and she finds herself miserable, just remember it's her learning experience. Some people, including myself, just have to learn the hard way.
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A
female
reader, xLovetodayx  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 I think you did the right thing. It's good that she found out from you, her friend, instead of finding out from the guy or someone else later on. Just try to be positive and encourage her to get out and find someone else. If she does end up calling him again, just know that you've been a good friend and done all you can.
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