A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’ve just recently become friends with a male friends wife. My friend and I have known each other ages but I never really got to know his wife (she was always busy and they are quite independent of each other). Anyway, we’ve been meeting up for drinks and coffee over the last 2-3 months. The thing is that that I find some of her behaviour a bit odd/ spoilt. She chose to spend Xmas on her own away from her husband and his family and by not visiting her family either. She complains that her family are manipulative and that she has issues with them. I saw her yesterday and she spent ages complaining about the very expensive gift that her family sent her for Xmas- wasn’t her style, not what she wanted, trying to buy her love etcI love my friend but I’m starting to think I may not like his wife so much. She seems really spoilt, has a few issues and I know he’s in a situation and could do with a bit more attention/support from her and isn’t getting it. Quite frankly I want her to be selfish and pay my friend more attention.Think is I now am trying to back away from the situation a bit but my friend really wants me to be friends with his wife as she doesn’t have many. It’s a bit awkward. Help!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 December 2017):
 It's really not up to you to "change his wife" into how you think she should be. As for how her family is and the whole present thing.. YOU don't know them, you don't know the whole story. Maybe her family really IS rotten and she has some rather crappy Christmas memories thus being on her own for Christmas. While it doesn't make sense to you (or me) THAT is what works for her. So try not to judge her so hard.
If you don't feel you and her can be good friends then don't keep her as an acquaintance but don't go out of your way way to spend time with her. My guess is he wants you two to be friends is twofold, he is hoping you can rub off on her and/or she wasn't keen on his and your friendship so getting to know you might make her feel less threatened.
There probably IS a good reason she doesn't have many friends....
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (31 December 2017):
You don’t have to be friends with the wife but you do have to tolerate her. She has no friends? I’m not surprised. It is not your job to be a martyr. Tell your friend you really like him but you can’t be friends with her. If he ask why be honest. If that’s a deal breaker for him then it may mean the end of your friendship.
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