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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Please forgive me for the length of this letter.I have been friends with this girl for almost 6 years. She used to be so awesone, sweet, positive, energetic and excited about life, and now she is the complete opposite of all that. Let me tell you a little background.She is 28 now. When she was 25, she got involved in a relationship, during which she got pregnant. She drove the guy away, called him names, was completely nasty to him. He offered to be in the baby's life, but her negative attitude and suprising hatred towards him drove him completely away. He has not contacted her since. She had his baby (which she called Zeppelin, but that's a whole other story) and told everyone that she just used that guy for his sperm. She seemed pretty content for awhile. She was busy with her newborn child, and although I disagreed with a lot of her behavioural tactics toward her ex, I was happy that she was happy.About a year ago, I started noticing that something about her was a little off. She met a 19 year old boy on the internet (she was already 28 at the time) and started talking. They then met, started dating and got involved almost too quickly. She was pretty excited about the whole thing. 3 weeks later she found out she was pregnant again. This girl does not wear protection, and when I approach her about it she gets mad and angry at me. We started discussing several scenarios. Keep the baby, abort the baby, adoption, etc. She wanted to keep the baby, so I was supportive, although with her current financial situation this would have been an incredibly difficult decision. She is already on welfare. She hardly has enough to provide for her and her son. What scared me is the aftermath of ehr finding out about the second pregnancy. It's as if she completely changed into a different person! She began calling her boyfriend names again, telling all of her friends lies about him, including me! And I met the guy and developed somewhat of a friendship to him, and I couldn't believe the things she was saying. She would call him names right in front of me, swearing at him and being extremely verbally abusive and aggresive! I did not recognize her, and I thought maybe it s the hormones from the pregnancy?Well it turns out it was more than that. She broke up with him by calling the police one night and telling him that he threatened to rape her. This is the most innocent boy I have ever seen in my entire life! He was heartbroken. He told me he was ready to accept the fact that he would be a daddy even though he is just 19 years old. He told me he is ready to take care of this girl and her son from a different guy too! And she just tossed him out to the cops. After this, she told me she will keep the baby. I tried to persuade her that having 2 kids from two different fathers who you literally drove away from your life is not good for the future of the kids, or for the potential partners in the long run. If I was a guy, I would definitely think more than twice about hooking up with a chick who's got 2 kids from 2 different guys.Her whole family was against it. She hates her family, I don't know why, they are wonderful people who help her out financially with the apartment and the kid.2 months later she aborted the baby. Then she was fine for awhile, but she called me yesterday and told me she had unprotected sex with her neighbor and hopes she gets pregnant. She says if she's pregnant then she will tell the guy on his birthday in 6 months (i dont know why). She told me she will use men for sex and get their sperm and have more kids. She says the more kids you have the more government assistance you recieve.The fact of the matter is, she is not a very good mom. Her current son is completely out of control, hitting people, throwing things at people, kicking his dog, screaming uncontrollably. I know he is just 2 years old and sometimes kids misbehave, but the thing is she does absolutely nothing to discipline him! I cannot judge her because of my own inexperience with children, but I just feel sorry for the little boy. He needs attention, tender loving care, guidance and discipine! If she has another child im afraid she will neglect this kid even more!I am on the verge of completely ending my connection to her. She is extremely selfish and she thinks that more kids will make her feel complete. She puts down every single guy that is willing to date her, and she lashes out on her friends. She calls her mom a bitch right in front of me, and tells her to burn in hell. She used to be such a positive spirit. Nw she is just a burden to be around. I feel that as a good friend I should try and tell her what I think, but then ai turn out to be the biggest enemy of all.How can I deal with this? Should I just mind my own business and let things be as is, even though I am witnessing that it is completely destroying the future of the little kid she has now? How can I remain a good friend to her? I am beginning to sense that she hopelessly changed for the worse and unfortunately there is no way of getting my old friend back.Please help.
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broke up, heartbroken, her ex, sperm, the internet, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (21 November 2012):
ok I dont think you are being interfering here, in fact I think you are the most loving and caring person she has in her life right now. but the fact is she sounds like a person who has problems. she possibly had a troubled childhood, but she needs to come to terms with this and behaving in this irresponsible way when shes almost 30 is not on.you say the oldest child is lashing out already, this is not normal behaviour and something could be going on in the home which is making him do this. it is not normal for a young child or even an older child to injure an animal in any way. I think you need to call CPS (I think they are called Child Protective Services in the US) or Social Services if you are in the UK, this doesnt sound right and someone who is so angry (your friend) is not able to give the appropriate level of care to the existing child let alone any more which she pops out.she is lucky to have someone like you who has been looking out for her so far, I know you are sick of her but please report her for this as it is not fair on the child or the dog/any other pets. she needs to see a doctor for her mental issues. good luck
A
female
reader, advisegiver6489  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 You should mind your own business because in the end you will have an enemy. I do not think you should continue to be here friend because eventually her anger will be towards you. Explain that your friendship has come to an end because of her actions.
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A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 You know what just cut this woman out of your life. She is 28 and she is an adult who is apparently making bad decisions for herself, but thats her choice. I am sure as a loving and caring friend you have given her the best advice you can give but if she 'chooses' not see the the harm in her actions and behaviour then what more can you do? Just let her go and stay away from the radius of her negative aura because that negativity can weigh you down. Instead of worrying about matters that matter to you, here you are worried about issues that shouldnt even be your concern in the first place. You are not her mother.
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A
male
reader, tamperingtampaguy +, writes (16 November 2012):
I would say find another friend. It is not good for your health to be around negative people.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): "How can I deal with this? Should I just mind my own business and let things be as is, even though I am witnessing that it is completely destroying the future of the little kid she has now?"Nothing you can do. Absent physical abuse or neglect, Child Protective Services (or equivalent) has no grounds to remove the kid from her care. You can only hope that at some point her enabling family will step in and become actively involved in the kid's life. "How can I remain a good friend to her?"You can't, she is a poor excuse for a pile of flesh wrapped around a breeding uterus and a thoroughly despicable carbon-based life form, so she is no friend of yours. It may be possible that she has an undiagnosed psychiatric or neurological condition but even in that event there's nothing you can do but walk away while keeping in touch with her family for updates on her regression or, far less likely, progress.
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