A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So recently ive found myself in a strange situation and its one i never thought i would expect to deal with in a relationship and i truly hope no woman ever has to deal with this. I know your all thinking you boyfriend cheated on you. Wrong. So it was recently my 21st birthday party in ireland it is quiet a big deal however i decided i didnt want to have a large event i just wanted to have all my girls over to the house and hostess an Ann Summers party this is a laundray/ sex toy party where you can purchase products. So i was having a wondeful day planning and organising and getting everything ready and most of the girls were with me from very early on during the day including one girl in particular. call her lisa, she has recently just broken up with her long term boyfriend might i add.so after this party we all went to the local night club and my boyfriend and male friends were meeting us there . I was having a brilliant night until...Basically i was standing with this friend lisa and another good friend of mine. my boyfriend came over and out of no where this friend lisa who had purchase a bullet sized vibrator out of her knickers covered in her juices and period might i add stuck this in my boyfriends face his reaction was to stick it in his mouth i now know that he did not know what it was i left the minute this happened and i am unbelievalby upset by this. there is a strange addition to this after this happened and i was crying my eyes out the friend who stuck the bullet sized vibrator in my boyfriends face was calling him all the names under the sun for what he had done, but once i began txting my boyfriend and arguing about what had happened he told me that this friend lisa told him that i had said to her to pull the bullet out and show him. I have been with my boyfriend for over four years and under no circumstances would i say that. my relationship with my boyfriend has literally been destroyed in a matter of seconds and i am presently not talking to either my friend or my boyfriend.i was hoping i could get some advice on how to deal with this situation, mainly on how to treat each person.how to understand why this girl did what she did in saying one thing to me and another to my boyfrienddo i stay with my boyfriend?do i stay friends with her?i am upset for so many reasons including the fact that the memory of my 21st will always be based on this problem i am facing here. im shocked i feel completely humiliated and heartbroken and this is why i am questioning everything. any comments suggestions would be greatly appreciated
View related questions:
heartbroken, period, sex toy, vibrator Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 January 2013):
 It could be something as innocent as this: Your boyfriend thought Lisa was feeding him something. It is human reflex to open our mouths when things are put near our faces. We learn that as babies. Otherwise I could not think of any other reason why he would open his mouth.
For a split second, your boyfriend realized it was not food! He was utterly humiliated that he did not see the joke! To admit that he really thought it was food would make him feel like an idiot. So he just went along with the joke.
I agree it is a sick joke, drunk or not.
This thing could be a huge misunderstanding but I do understand the trigger, the feeling of being disrespected because it's supposed to be the best day of your life.
Talk to your boyfriend about it, then let him make it up and celebrate it just you two.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 January 2013):
 That is disgusting. Just ewww.
Honestly, I would the "friend" and let her have it and then I would tell her I can't be friends with her no longer. Alcohol or not that was stepping WAY beyond what is OK.
Secondly, I would go a little easy on your BF, as he has no clue what was going on - but I would let him know in no uncertain terms how gross it was, he DIDN'T have to stick it in his mouth.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionexcuse me sageoldguy
but how dare you this is my life and my relationship and a problem i shared because i have no idea how to deal with it if you have nothing to say then dont post on my question your hurtful and unhelpful so i dont see why your even on this sight
my birthday was the 29th of december and i reached out to this sight for advice not to be ridiculed by people like you
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 January 2013):
 I see that this was posted on December 31, 2012.... and can't help but imagine that it is an attempt to win the
"Goofiest thing I and my friends did whilest under the influence of alcohol" contest for 2012. It's a late entry, but it's a dandy. I'm voting for it.....
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): Your friend who was no doubt in a party mood followed the 'sex theme' onto the club.Yes it was gross to have the vibrator in her knickers or wherever,then go round putting it in mens mouths. Don't know how something that small managed to stay inside her. I dont think your man would know what it was unless he watched her pull it out and I dont think your friend meant anything by it,if it was out of character then she was drunk n having a laugh.Dont be so hard on them,chill out stop the drama and in a few days mend bridges
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 January 2013):
 I know see that this was a joke gone wrong, and your boyfriend didn't deliberately try to suck on a dildo with your friend's fluids on it. Blech.
In all actuality you should be quite angry at your friend for doing this action, and trying to say that you made her do it. She doesn't sound very trustworthy if she's trying to throw you under the bus for something you never said. I'd go as far as to say this friendship is over.
With your boyfriend, I can understand why you would break up with him. If I were you, I could never kiss him again. Take some time to think this out rationally.
...............................
A
female
reader, KristinaMarchant +, writes (1 January 2013):
Well, this sounds like an episode of Girls. Look, I think that what happened was all a huge misjudgment on both their parts. I also think they both are ashamed at what happened and didn't mean to do what they did.Haven't you ever said something or done something on impulse that turned out to be a really stupid choice? I think people were drinking and your friend needed some male attention because she just got dumped and she put the vibrator in your boyfriend's face to get noticed. She didn't do it to upset you or cause a stir. She was probably just feeling heartbroken and angry at men and not thinking. Your boyfriend probably liked having some female attention and wants to be accepted by your friends and so he did something not thinking. I think they both started telling you all these different stories because they were both ashamed and embarrassed. They both blamed each other for causing you to get upset.I think you should see it like that. I am, however, concerned about why this upset you so much.Yes, it is very vulgar and sexual, but I think you know that it wasn't meant to be insulting and wasn't about cheating. I think you know it was a stupid joke gone wrong. Why did you cry so much? Even though you were drinking, that kind of reaction is a sign of something. Are you insecure about your boyfriend's feelings for you? Are you insecure about your attractiveness and sexuality (especially compared to lisa's)? What about this triggered something in you? I personally would have been grossed out, gotten ^^^^ed for a second and that would have been it. I'm not judging you but I do think this weird and gross things that happened is not something to be heartbroken over, unless there is an underlining issue.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni basically left the minute i seen it happen that i dont know what his reaction was i left the nightclub crying and my close friend who was a bystander followed me. When i was argueing with him he said he had no idea what is was and if he had of known would not have have even thought twice about having it anywhere near him.there was no accident she did it just for a reaction as she had done it to two other singles guys before doing it to my boyfriend which is something i dont understand its my boyfriend do it to any single boy out there but why my boyfriend ?we were all in the nightclub when this happened not at the ann summers party just so there is no confusion.i dont understand why she was telling my boyfriend that i told her to do that as well?and i have already told my partner that i want space from him as far as im concerned we are not together i just dont know where to go from here?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): I am not trying to minimize your concern, but given the circumstances, I assume you are all at least 21, were probably drinking and inebriated, it was a party with a sex theme, knowing this, my guess is that it was done in good fun and probably seemed appropriate at the moment given the context of the event. It sounds like your friend and your boyfriend were just trying to be funny. Your boyfriend probably had no idea this vibrator had been in your friend's pants. He probably was trying to entertain you and make you laugh. After all if you did choose a sex theme for your birthday, so he probably thought acting crass would entertain you. Your friend on the other hand probably went too far to shove a vibrator in his face but then again maybe she was drunk and trying to liven up the party as part of it's theme. Given the information you provided I don't see it as so bad that you should hold a grudge about it. It seems like something that you could laugh off and take more lightly. I mean yeah it's gross but it doesn't appear like it was meant to be hurtful. It was a joke that inadvertently went too far. I think you should lighten up about it and put it behind you. I don't think you should stop talking to either of them on account of this...given the context which it was done in, it doesn't seem so inappropriate.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 January 2013):
Eh, it's never a good idea to hold a sex toy party while everyone is inebriated.
Wow, he might as well have gotten on his knees and licked her crotch right there. I wonder if he realized her bodily fluids were on it? Did he spit out, or did he go on to think it was hilarious? I'm just trying to determine whether this was deliberate, or was it all a joke gone wrong.
I understand that your friend was trying to be funny, but shoving a used vibrator in someone's face is just unhygienic and plain rude!! Hopefully, your boyfriend washed his mouth out with mouthwash, or even soap.
I know that you're very upset with your friend and boyfriend, but calm down before you talk to the both of them. I'm sure this was a joke gone wrong. Not a ploy from your friend to get with your boyfriend.They both need to apologize for humiliating you in front of everyone. While their intention was to be funny, it ended up hurting your feelings.
I'd also give your friend and boyfriend a little space for the time being.
...............................
A
female
reader, Warm-Inspire  +, writes (1 January 2013):
 For starters i can't stress how much that was completely bizzare, disgusting and unsanitary of your friend to do.If i was in your suituation i wouldn't even be able to stay civilized with her, let alone be friends.As for your boyfriend it could of been an innocent mistake if the nightclub was dark as they tend to be? But you state he didn't know what it was, but seeing your girlfriends mate sticking her hand down her knickers and pulling a foreign object out of it? Surely your first reaction is to back up not decide you feel abit peckish and put it in your gob.Unless there was some serious drinking or psychedelic drug taking going on, i don't see how anyone would find this acceptable to do. I don't think either of them had justifiable actions but if you have to side with one, i wouldn't go with the bloody dildo waving psychopath.Good luck.x
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 January 2013):
Well happy birthday and happy new year anyways! You said you left after your boyfriend put the vibrator in his mouth. Where did you go? Was your friend with you and what did she say to you? Was there alcohol in the party? Maybe everyone was drunk and acting crazy.
I think you are doubting your boyfriend and you have reason to. Every one knows that it was a lingerie/sex toy party. You are thinking that your boyfriend was pretending he didn't know what that thing was. Your friend was also trying to blame everything on your boyfriend. She didn't have to stick it in his face to show him what a vibrator is.
You said you have another good friend of yours. You should talk to her because she will be a better judge of this. As for the other two it's safe to say they are exes for now.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): That is unbelievable! If I were you I would find a new boyfriend and a new friend. You don't need disgusting people like that in your life.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): That is unbelievable! If I were you I would find a new boyfriend and a new friend. You don't need disgusting people like that in your life.
...............................
|
