A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I like this guy that i met out. But why does my friend find there is something wrong with him saying to let him know when i'm out next, so that we can meet to talk and have a drink?She said that he should of asked me out on a date if he was interested, but i spoke to him for about an hour and we did get along well. But i wouldn't expect from that to get a date, I know him wanting to meet up again doesn't mean anything really. But it shows he was interested and wants to see me again yes? So i'm happy about that.The thing is, my friend is 25 and i'm 19.. maybe guys her age are more mature to ask a girl they met for a couple hours and had short, pointless conversation with out on a date. But the thing is most people i know, they meet the person again on a night out, because then they don't feel the pressure of it being one on one and this way, they are in a relaxed environment and can get more sense of the person as to whether they do like them... before taking the next step to a date!! Who's right here, me or her? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 June 2011):
 Well, there is no really right or wrong- whatever works for you is fine, anything you are comfortable with.
Ssid that, personally I' m more on your friend's side.
"hit me up next time you are out " shows really a MINIMAL level of interest, - it's one of those vague impersonal " things you say like " oh we really have to do lunch one of these days ". If you REALLY want to have lunch with the person, you'll say " what about Friday at noon at "insert name " restaurant ?
So, one who conveys his "interest" this way, either he's very marginally interested ( or not at all ) or sorely lacks social savvy.
I also disagree about the " pressure ". Hey, it's just coffee, or a drink ! And if you don't see the person one on one, how can you make a meaningful contact and see if you'd be into each other ? that's the whole concept of a date, you don't need previous informal group outings to screen... if you could take a girl out for coffe !
But, if he is really so prudent, he could have invited you to a group outing, for a set date and place:" why don't you join me and my friends at... on.. "
To me "call me when you are out " is only slightly less impersonal than "see ya around " - not very promising.
Then again, if you have absolutely no expectations, that may work too. Different strokes for different people.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (16 June 2011):
 Well you're right in that you're not applying silly rules and expectations to the already overly complicated dating scene, full of myths, silly sayings, books like "the rules" and "he's just not that into you", etiquette and social protocols.
Your friend is 25. Maybe she's single, maybe she's had bad luck with guys, I don't know. But I've known many single girls who at that age have just gone through the whole dating process and been disappointed so many times that they... well... they kinda just seem like they're over it. They can comes across as bitter, judgemental and suspicious of any guy that approaches them.
But when you think about it, they've just streamlined the whole "sizing up" or "Loser-O-Meter" process. Better to filter out the bad ones early- rather than finding out after dating them for much longer than they should, finding themselves back at square one... only with less time and a harder heart. And yeah... time can start to become very important to some girls as they get older.
I can't blame them for being ruthless with their own "rules" and time personally.
You may very well develop your own little "filter" one day too. For now though, stay idealistic, optimistic and make your own mistakes- but keep in mind that your friend is probably just trying to stop you from making her past mistakes and heartache...hopefully...
Best of luck :)
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