A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my friend really likes this guy and never stops talking about him! Like it's always about him, and it's kinda annoying. When I mentioned something to her about her being all obsessed I guess you would call it, she got mad. She told me that I did the same thing months before with the guy I used to like. I remember me doing it and always talking about him but to an extent. I really dont want to be self centered but I dont know what to do. please help! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (21 September 2010):
Hi there. It probably does seem a bit like obsession, but probably it does become a bit boring after a while.
If you otherwise get along quite well, then your friendship with her is probably worth keeping. It's a case of trying a different tactic by you, as just having a go at her about it, clearly doesn't work.
You could try a couple of things when she gets into "boyfriend" talking mode. Try after it becomes a bit boring:-
(1) Change the subject to something else entirely. Do it respectfully though, don't get angry or sarcastic.
If subject changing doesn't work try:-
(2) Don't engage in the conversation at all. Don't answer her.
(3) Instead just say "yeah", for a while, and then once it gets to a point where you want to get up and leave, start saying - "Mmmmmmm, .......... Mmmmmmmm". Just keep up with the "Mmmmmm" and she knows you are listening and hearing her, but not responding and so therefore not engaging with her fully.
Then there's no arguments, and you are being respectful by listening. After probably about 5 minutes, she realizes she is carrying on a one-sided conversation, and because she's not getting any conversation back from you, she will get tired of her own voice, and will very quickly stop.
You are not insulting her by just saying "Mmmmmm", it's just a polite way of letting that person know, that you are not really interested in what they are talking about at that time.
When they do stop (the boring subject), then they will start talking about something that does interest you and that you will engage yourself in.
This "Mmmmmmm" response works with anyone, either face to face or over the phone.
For any conversation to continue, both people need to be responding when their turn comes to answer. This is precisely why the "Mmmmm" response works so well, as the person who is boring is not getting the type of answer they would like. Consequently, they very soon stop.
Once she changes the subject onto something more interesting to you, if over time she begins to drift back onto the "boyfriend" talk again, just start with the "yeah, ...... yeah", then as it continues, just go onto "Mmmmmmmm ........... Mmmmmmm", again. Then over about 5 minutes (as I was saying earlier), she will stop and go onto a more interesting subject.
Over time, you will train her away from boring you with the talk of her boyfriend all the time.
This type of tactic is also good if someone is saying something that you find a little offensive, again they will stop after about 5 minutes, once they realize they are the only one participating in the conversation.
I'm quite sure this will help. I sometimes do this with my mother. It's so much better (and easier), than arguing and trying to push your point forward. The really great thing is, that it happens really quickly. It really is about 5 minutes. I've never actually timed it, but it would be no longer than 5 minutes, I'm sure.
Try it. It will save you much frustration and unhappiness. Your friend will also respect the fact that you politely listen and don't argue. It has a very powerful effect - without any negative feelings between you.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): Maybe you should be happy for you're friend that she has found a new guy. We all no what its like meeting a new man we just want to talk to our friends about it and sometimes we talk more about guys than we realise. You could've been just as bad when u met a guy a few months earlier but you don't realise. Try not to push her away at the end of the day she will cool off after a while from talking about him. Do fun stuff together like going to the movies and going on nights out and if she needs to talk be a good friend and listen.
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