A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 and my friend is 16. We met this guy through an online game, he's 30 years old. I was the one that introduced him to her, little did I no that it would ever result in some sort of gross relationship. First of all, my friend is the most sensible person I have ever known... and it SHOCKED me when she admitted to liking him. The SAD thing is he admitted to liking her first, she "set him straight" but then somehow ended up at where they had started. Personally I don't believe she even likes him, or for that matter that he even likes her. I think she was flattered after finding out someone liked her (during the time they "met" she had been wanting a relationship) and I think she settled for some old dude she barely even knew.As far as him liking her, I have no idea where his head is at. He's not any kind of creep, isn't asking for her address or phone number, but it just makes me want to puke. Not only do I dislike him for having no self control, but he's also a jerkoff. Everytime I point this out to my friend she doesn't "notice" it when I bring it up to her later. I expected my friend to defend me in front of some twit like him, but obviously she is being too submissive and hoping not to create trouble with him. I am so sick of this. Is there something I should be saying that I haven't already? Cause I've basically told her everything I have posted here. Please help... tell me if I'm overreacting or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't realize people were still responding to this lol. So anyway, I really don't care anymore, probably due to my bi-polar personality. I do still not like it, but since I've stopped talking to him as much I have found I don't really find a reason to get all ruffled up again. Diovan Lestat, thanks for being umm... so devoted to this topic.
So yep. thanks all. =]
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): People need to stop calling teenage boys immature.
Teen girls doing things they shouldn't do yet at their age get called more mature for it. Teen boys doing things they shouldn't do yet at their age get called less mature for it.
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female
reader, x_Robyn_x  +, writes (14 July 2008):
Ok, I have never told anyone this before, but i'm going to say it now because I feel like I should after reading this statement.
I am also 16, like you're friend, and I quite like a guy who is 30 too. Guys my age always seem so immature and so wrapped up in themselves and thats it.
The thing is, is that if you tell someone that you like someone who is 30 they just call you sick, disturbed and what not. Which can be very upsetting. If the situation with you're friend is anything like this then she feels loved and protected by this man.
Although me and the guy I like aren't an 'item' we both like eachother, and feel held back from starting anything because of the reactions it might cause.
Just talk to you're friend, and understand her. Listen to what she has to say...please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): I stand by what I said. It's not seen as gross abuse over here.
When Prince Charles (eldest son of our queen) married Lady Diana, there was a 13 year age difference between them. He was 33, she was 20 and had never had a boyfriend.
Of course the media and public were concerned because alongside the age difference, usually goes differences in interests, values and hobbies. Princess Diana loved going out, partying with hollywood stars and was very much a social butterfly. Charles on the other hand liked his horses, talking to plants, talking philosophy with top intellectuals and trying to save the planet by encouraging us to go green.
We watched the relationship disintigrate until the prime minister eventually had to tell them to divorce for the good of the nation. It was really sad for everyone.
I don't remember any one calling him a pedophile or asking the police to lock him up, because of this age difference.
As I said, it's not sensible to go out with an older man or woman. It's too hard and usually dosen't work. But in the UK you can have sex with anyone you want at 16 and there is nothing anyone can do about it. The laws and values in your country may be different and it may be illegal for you to have sex at this age.
However nothing in this question leads me to believe that this couple are having sex or going to have sex. I see two people who share similar intrests and hobbies, getting to like each other and wanting to know each other. The poster of this question is jealous because "I was the one that introduced him to her". I'd bet you a dollar that if the roles were reversed this "so call friend" wouldn't find it so gross and offensive.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 May 2008):
Can a 16 year old girl be pretty level headed?
It will depend on which side of the divide you stand on.
I very much doubt it.
She is like the butterfly which has just emerged from her
cocoon and have new wings , ready to take off but blissfully
unaware of the pitfalls and dangers in life.
She has the full blown body of a women but still a child's mentality.
Put yourself into your 16 year old daughter's shoes or go
down to her level and find out why she prefers older men
than boys her age.
Could it be that they lacked fatherly loves and they seek
that in older men who have a fatherly figure.
Or they come from a single parent background or from a dysfunctional family.
You may register your objections at first but in the end ,
you have to think of your daughter's happiness and wellbeing and not your own happiness.
Don't go condemning those men as though they are weirdos or
paedophiles because those men are also seeking true love .
Not all men are evil!
One family did the sensible thing and invited the SIL to
stay with them rather than to lose their daughter.
If you cannot beat them , join them or you will become irrelevant.
Don't stand on your high moral and ethical ground for you gained nothing but lose much.
Is it not normal for a 16 year old to talk to older guys?
Do you practice segregations in your society or is it against the law in your country?
You made it sound like it is an obscene and hideous thing to do that.
I thought the British society is the most progressive
society but here we have an aberrations from the norm.
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female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (17 May 2008):
A recent news report from the Daily Mails.
Last month, Angela's youngest daughter,
16-year-old Lisa, ran away from home to be with Glyn's father,
Nigel, who, at 46, is precisely 30 years her senior.
Her daughter has ran away with him and is incommunicado with her mother.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=566910&in_page_id=1879
I hope you wont have to come face to face with this scenerio in your family .
This type of cases seems to occur more frequently in the UK.
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female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (17 May 2008):
Speak for yourself only.
Just because a few of your friends think alike ,
it does not mean that the national consensus about this issue is gross and wrong.
Even if there is a poll about this issue,
it is just a segment of the society and may not give the real and actual situation.
Don't claim that your views are right just because you and a few of your fellows think that way.
Your case does not mean that every 16 year old who fall in love with older man are wrong.
There are cases where they are happy .
Don't pull wool over people's eyes.
At one time , the dinosaurs were right but yet they became extinct .....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): DiovanLestat I'm from the UK and most people still see it as gross and wrong. When I was 17 a 28yr old refused to date me cause of the age diffrence, looking back I see he was right.
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female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (17 May 2008):
When a 16 year old girl falls in love with an older man ,
it is like a train without brakes.
Nothing you say or do will stop the train from going off
it's projected course until it loose steam by itself.
You may judge it to be wrong but there are so many cases in
the UK where the girls ran away from their families to be with their older lover.
As parents , can you stop them?
Put your foot down and you lose a daughter by running away or committing suicide.
No parents would relish that.
You may judge it wrong but if you have a headstrong
daughter, what are you going to do about it, lock her up in the cellar?
Then you would be accused of child abuse and you can be put into jail for that.
Whatever happens, you cannot stop your friend from hurtling down that road.
It is like pouring water on sand.
Your words will not be taken in.
That is all you can do as a friend.
It is her decision .
You are questioning her decision and no woman would like to be told that they are wrong.
Yeah! You all can judge her but it is her life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): Sorry, but I'm from the UK where the legal age of marriage is 16. Dating older guys is not sensible and the relationship may be difficult because of different interests etc.. but it's not seen as such a gross abuse over here. Sometimes parents are glad to see their children marry an older partner because it provides stability, maturity, and financial security to their otherwise wayward chilren.
Sure noone wants their daughter married to someone twice their age. But their not even dating at the moment, there just trying to get to know each other, and see how they suit.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): I diagnoise a serious case of jealousy...
"He's not any kind of creep, isn't asking for her address or phone number, but it just makes me want to puke"
If you can't be happy for her, then go and find yourself a man to keep you occupied, so you wont feel lonely when she's dating a guy who makes her happy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): o right susan strict, so you dont see anything wrong with a 16 year old girl chatting to a 30 year old guy.....ahem...what planet are you living on!!!!
friends from 7 to 85....so say one of your kids was chatting to a guy of 45 on the internet..you cant see anything wrong with that...i would really question your judgement on this one.
The village hall is one thing..but i think you are so out of touch with everything.
this girl is just 16...its not ok..i have a child and if i though she was speaking to someone she barely knew on the internet of course i would be concerned....why would a much older guy or much older women have in common with children??????
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUmm, it isn't my problem that they have a friendship, I am friends with many people that I have met online. By "like" I don't mean in a friendly. Basically, even though they don't want to admit it they're online dating. It isn't sexual, but he does include comments about how hot she is that I don't find appropriate. I really didn't know that I had to be specific about my definition of "like" in this case. I'm not a dilweed, I have no problem with them being friends.
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female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (16 May 2008):
 Yes, you are overreacting. No, it's not wrong.
So what's actually happened? You tell me that your friend has made a friend who happens to be much older than her. So what?
Of course anyone needs to be careful when meeting someone for the first time, particularly on the Internet because you can't immediately see what they are like or know whether what they are saying is likely to be true. But in this case, what is there to be careful about?
You say he hasn't asked for her address or phone number. You don't say he has asked for any other personal details. You don't say that there is anything sexual between them.
From everything you have said, there is nothing more to this than an online friendship between two people of different ages. What shocks you? You don't say. Is there something else that you aren't telling us? If so, what? Surely you aren't saying that two people can't be friends just because they are of different ages - or do you feel there is something wrong because it is in the "seedy" world of the Internet? What's going through your head?
I couldn't disagree more with most of the comments on this so far. I have friends, both male and female, on the Internet whose ages range from 7 to 85. And so does my partner. I also have friends of a similar age range down the street and at the village hall. Is that all right with you?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): Good job for you to question this. She needs advising against this one.
Don't let her argue that she's mature enough for this. It doesn't take any maturity to be attracted to an older man or to get involved with one. The fact that he is attracted to her doesn't say anything either (except maybe about HIM).
If she is acting on an attraction that is obviously not a good match for her, maturity is precisely what is missing.
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A
female
reader, alesczynski +, writes (16 May 2008):
When I was 17, just out of high school I hooked up with my 38 year old neighbor after a neighborhood party. He was going through a divorce at the time, I was pretty much innocent and just going along with it for the ride. I snuck out of my house every night to see him. We would sit in his basement, watch tv, or go out. We had to keep it a complete secret because I was underage. On August 11, my parents saw me leaving his new apartment. I was shy 7 days of turning 18 so my parents took it to the PD. At that time, we were head over heals in "love" for eachother. I was devistated, and proved our relationship to be consentual. I spent a week in bed crying, went to counseling, took anti depresents, and hated life. Scott wanted nothing to do with me for a few weeks, but soon came crawling back to me. I decided to move out of my house to be with him, dropped out of my first semester of college, worked full time at a bank for 9 dollars an hour, and bought a car that I couldn't afford. He literally controled my life, made promises to me, but I quickly realized that my decision wasn't the direction I needed to be in. I was still in "love" with him, but the day I moved out was the day he rebounded to someone about his own age. I was again, very devistated, and still sometimes do miss him, but I wish I could change that first night that I hooked up with him. I don't want to say HE ruiened my life but I believe I was brainwashed to a point. My mind was too young to realize a lot of the probelms the relationship caused for everyone. I burned a lot of bridges with friends, family especially, and neighbors... I believe the term midlife crisis...was part of it... tell your friend to be careful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): My 15yr old freind went out with a 36yr old, we both left school and I haven't heard from her since, I heard she didn't go to college like she wanted too. These older men going for young girls want someone they can control and mould into the woman they want. A normal, well adjust older person wouldn't go looking for a teenager.
I'm sorry but there is NOTHING you can do, it all depends on what sort of person your freind is, you got your head on right thats why you know it's wrong. Your going to have to let her go I'm afraid, its her choice.
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female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 Hi there,
For me, meeting people like this online is something i would be very careful about. You dont really know much about this guy, he could be married in a relationship etc. How do you know for sure he is really 30? I am just asking these questions as people can tell you anything and say anything but it may not necessarily be true.
Why is it a 30 year old guy interested is chatting to 16 and 17 year olds online. Please dont give out any personal information and make sure you tell your friend this, you dont know anything about this guy. Just be really careful as sometimes these men are smooth talkers and can get information from you with realising it.
I think your friend does like him as you mentioned she was looking for a relationship at the time. I would advise that you concentrate on chatting and meeting people around your own age, preferably not online, she is young and has yet to experience life. This is how i feel about it anyhow sweety.
I dont think you are overreacting...you are right to be concerned.
Please be careful. hope this helps
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): All you can do is look after your friend. Make sure she does not give him an personal information, because their is a good chance that he is only after one thing. Be a good friend [like you are doing right now by looking out for her]. Don't insult the guy as this will push her away even more. If it starts to get out of control, tell your parents, her parents, or a trusted teacher. Whilst making it clear that your not jealous, or trying to get her into trouble, your looking out for her. You are in no way overreacting. There are too many cases of older people from the internet preying on vulnerable teens.
Take her out somewhere and let her flirt with guys her own age. In the mean time, try and get her to stay away from the internet.
Hope that helps xxx
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A
male
reader, Mr Tips +, writes (16 May 2008):
I don't think you are over reacting at all, Your freind is lonely and needs to be loved so she thinks so you cant blame her, but the 30y old should know better, why isn't he with someone his own age, alarm bells are ringing, as far as over reacting by you, react more, your friend will thank you one day.
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