A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm good friends with a couple, Paul and Rachel. We've been pretty close for about 3 years. I'm 28, Paul is 28 and Rachel is 27. The 2 of us seem to spend a lot of time together, and most of it is instigated by Paul (he usually invites me to go with them sometimes to dinner, movies, dancing, etc.). Rachel and I have a similar work schedule and are off sometimes during the week. A few months ago, I asked Paul if he could take me to Costco because I don't have a membership and he said that Rachel would take me. Since then, Rachel has been taking me there on a weekly basis and we usually have lunch together and then I go with her home to help her unload the big items that she bought. One a recent Costco trip, she wore a sexy dress and these slip-on sandal type shoes that made me melt. Keep in mind, Rachel is gorgeous. She's unbelievably beautiful and has and unbelievable body. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, but felt guilty, so I didn't. When we got to Costco, it was packed and it was hard to stay together, so she took my hand and held it and lead as we walked around. I wasn't sure if that was appropriate, but didn't resist. It actually felt kind of nice. At some point, we separated for about 20 minutes. When we met up again, she told me this guy kept following her and hitting on her and he was getting on her nerves. I saw the guy and did notice he was following her. She wanted to get rid of him and suggested we pretend I was her husband or boyfriend. I wasn't sure that was a good idea, but the guy kept following us, so I agreed. I didn't know what she meant by "pretend", but soon found out. She continued to hold my hand, but when the guy didn't stop following, she stopped, looked at some clothes and then turned around and kissed me. I'm not sure if the kiss was wrong or not, but I was in heaven. When we got to her house later, she kissed me on the lips again and thanked me for helping her out at Costco. Ever since this incident, we both have been "kissing hello" and "good-bye" on the lips and most of it is in front of her husband who doesn't seem to mind at all (and she's the one instigating the kisses). Even though he's seen us kiss, he still suggests that she take me to Costco. The 3 of us went to the movies recently and she held my hand during most of the movie. Even weirder, one night when I left their house, she kissed me good-bye and most of the kiss was a french kiss (her instigating). Paul was in the same room, so I don't see how he could have not seen it. He's told me a few times that he's glad Rachel has me as a friend since he can't always go out with her due to his work hours. I'm a confused puppy! Rachel has an awesome personality and (though I know this is not the most important thing) she could be on the cover of a magazine. Is this normal? Am I overreacting? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (11 March 2008):
 I agree with the other Aunts here. It seems to be either an open marriage, or maybe a polyamorous one. As long as things are done with the knowlege and approval of her husband it is not cheating. Since he sees her kiss you and isnt bothered by it, I would say he approves. But if she suggests that you do something secret then it is time to reevaluate. Then it is cheating. You can just wait and see, letting her do the innitiating. This could be fun, to see what happens, let yourself get seduced. But maybe talking to her would be less stressful. Next time she kisses you tell her how much you like it when she kisses you and ask her what her husband thinks about it. See what she says! If you are open to being a secondary, this could be a very nice poly relationship. You are all friends. You get along great with each of them on their own and both of them together. You seem all very relaxed around each other. Depending on what they are really after and what you are willing to accept, you may be in for a treat!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): All good stuff from DoubleM.
There's nothing like a bit of straight talking though. I think what I would do is to tell her that you get sexually excited whenever she kisses you like that, and the reason you don't back away from her is because it feels so good. Ask her if that is her intention. She'll either be horrified or give you a wry smile and a wink. One way or another, you'll get some idea what's on her mind.
If you get the wink and the smile, ask her how Paul feels about this. You never know, they may have discussed it together and they could both be in on it. You need to find out what both of them are up to - if anything.
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A
male
reader, pyan  +, writes (11 March 2008):
Hi
the same happend to me a few years back with a very good friend. so i know how you feel.
as doublem said, it could be an open marrage or something like that. would you be interested in finding out. thats what it was in my case and it took me a while to work it out.
you could ask her what he think of it and by what she says you can make your mind up. or talk to him about it. no harm done. some women are touchy feely and mean nothing by it and that the other side is she one of them.
message if you what to know what i did
good luck
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (11 March 2008):
 The situation you described may possibly be an open marriage, where sensual or even sexual activities with outside individuals are tolerated. You could go along with it for awhile and see what happens, but it would probably be wise not to escalate anything on your own. Always let her start or initiate everything. See where it goes from there.
It is possible that Rachel is a bit of a "cougar" that needs more than one lover, but is comfortable in her situation with your friend Paul in terms of financial security and such. He possibly is helpless to satisfy all her desires. All this could be very tricky, and my comfort level would also be compromised, but it might also develop into a exciting experience at some point. Keep your attention focused on the guy and all of his reactions. If there is ever any kind of strange behavior on his part toward you, then back away immediately.
If he remains friendly and continues to accept his woman's advances and titillation towards you, then you may have the chance of enjoying her favors if you would like. I don't think you are "overreacting" so much as being a bit surprised at some realities that exist these days. If you prefer no involvement, then back off.
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A
female
reader, Miss Potter  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Hehehe, no, its not normal. What is normal anyway?
They might have some bedroom issues (Rachael and Paul) and they might have agreed that she will have an affair with you. Thats a possible scenario...
He obviously knows whats going on, and doesnt mind that should give you a clue.
One thing you need to know - she wont be leaving her husband. So you could either go on with this flirtation, you will end up having sex, maybe even become permanent lovers, but then you will have to settle down yourself and you will have to let Rachael go. You might loose both of them as friends for good though.
Take care
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Dont take things futher.dont go having adultery.sure it must be marvalous having such a hot girl kiss you.dont kiss her behind his back.its a very difficult one.keep them both happy.but dont go developing feelings the guilt will get you.try and introduce a girlfriend in your triangle.
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A
male
reader, AgonyChantelle  +, writes (11 March 2008):
You should go out with Rachel and forget Paul because he is probably gay, or a pervert. :)
Good luck!
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