A
male
age
36-40,
*ibertyforall
writes:I don't know how to be "the man" for my girlfriend. She complains that I'm not masculine enough for her. One example: Her managers at work hit on her often, even as far as buying her gifts. I want to do something about it, but I have no idea how to go about it. She senses this, and it hurts me just to know that she knows I won't do anything. What can I do?Other example: In bed, she wants me to talk dirty, but I don't know how to go about doing that. She says she wants to feel like the girl in bed, but I just don't know where to start.As far as sensitivity goes, I have that down to a science. I cry just as much as she does when we watch "The Notebook."I know I need to take charge. But this doesn't come naturally to me. I put a lot of emphasis on rational thought, so it takes a lot of reading for me to adopt new behaviors or attitudes towards people or events. Being masculine and taking charge is not something a lot of people write books on. Can anyone help me be "the man" for my girlfriend?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 March 2008):
 Ha ha good job q1605! Tooooooooooo funny
A
male
reader, libertyforall +, writes (12 March 2008):
libertyforall is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, q1605. Everyone else, thanks for trying.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): q1605 gosh you made me laugh. Do people really talk like that?!ha.
Have to say though, some valid points were made...especially meeting these guys she works with. I reckon she has made you out to be a bit of a pansy to them, so they feel they would be better for her because thats what she makes out she wants. She loves the attention otherwise she would just tell them to get lost.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (11 March 2008):
 I'll address the issue of "talking dirty" during sex a bit, though I'm not really all that vocal. My hope at times is to let my lady know that I'm very much enjoying our encounter, and I'll say things like, "Oh baby," "Oh yes," and things like that. I try to avoid invoking God or expressions like "sh*t" into the activity. To me, it just seems inappropriate to involve religious expressions or associate sh*t with such a wonderful experience. My preference is to perhaps groan, for lack of a better word, and express pleasure with moans of pleasure.
One other comment: Try not to cry in front of your girlfriend. Everyone appreciates sensitivity, but crying over television programs, which are total fantasy, seems a bit much to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Its very sweet that you would want to change for your girlfriend, my question would be, she has known what you as a person are like since she met you...and she is still with you, so why would she want you to change?
So many people come on here asking for assistance with making their partners more sensitive so she seems a little ungrateful to me.
Hmm...talking dirty in bed is a difficult one as it not in my nature either, I guess that is something you just have to work on, ask her exactly what she wants you to say so you at least have an idea where to start.
As for the guys at work hitting on her, I dont understand why you need to do anything about that....surely as long as they are not threat then no harm is done? If you go in there shouting the odds saying 'thats my woman' etc, you will only end up looking like a complete div. Would it be fair to suggest she has had the wrong type of guys in her life before?
Sorry if this is no use to you, will give you a few points to think about. I dont think there is anything wrong with the way you are.
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A
female
reader, Miss Potter  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Hi there :)
My boyfriend was in somewhat similar situation - his ex ages ago used to tell him hes not man enough, because when she kissed other guys she could always feel them down there!!! Dont know whether she has said to him other things as well but eventually they broke up as she just wouldnt stop saying things that hurt his feelings.
You are who you are, yes, eventually hardships of life will toughen you up a little bit. BUT most probably you will never become this terminator dude lol. She just wants a tougher man, ruder, harsher. Its her choice. There is nothing wrong with how you are. Tough women go for softer men and weak girls go for tough guys, thats how it works I think. Depending on how she puts it to you - if she says that she wants you to change in a respectful way then I suppose you can consider changing your behaviour. I think that telling your boyfriend that men in work are tougher that my own boyfriend and that they give me presents is humiliating for the guy. You cant change yourself for another person, you can change habits and somewhat behaviour, but not personality... Sorry I might have trailed off a little bit here. Anyways thats my 2 pence. Hope everything works out for you, take care x
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