A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Four months back one of my high school friend got married. We have been friends from last 12 years. She is a very nice lady but she was there for me in my hard times. we always had back of each other. She married her boyfriend even though she was not happy with him.So for one and half year while she was engaged she kept on complaining about him how insensitive he is, how he never understand,how she is so unhappy, how she doesn't love him.I tried my best to listen to her as far as i remember i was always there for her whenever she called, i was always happy to help her but she used to complain so much that at one point i got so pissed off that i told her why are you marrying him if according to you he is an a**hole. I realized that she was upset by my words so i apologized and i stop suggesting anything to her when it came to her relationship Eventually she got married.We were again back to normal- she used to complain,i used to listen.But now its too much for me to handle. She behaves like a typical married women , it feels like her life revolves around her husband or her in laws, if he do something good she calls me , if he is insensitive she calls me, if he compliments her she calls me, same goes with her in laws..the problem is now whenever i talk to her i feel like i am getting bored to death. I never had any interest in talking about dresses , shoes, makeup what to wear what not to wear, she knew me this is the kind of person i am..i am not into girly stuff but now she makes me listen all these things.Initially i was okay hearing all these things,i thought she just got married ,and she decided to leave her job for an year so may be these are the only things which happen in her life so she is sharing those things with me and as a close friend it's my duty to listen all these things. Earlier we used to talk every second day but slowly i started calling her once in a week now we only talk twice in month but still whenever i talk to her i feel dizzy. It feels like somethings has changed,i no longer enjoy chatting with her,I don't want to be a bad person. But it feels like she is not adding anything to my personal growth. I don't know how to show interest in her talks. So one week ago she was narrating some incident about her sister in law and i pretended for 30 minutes that how interested i was in listening. But at one point i felt like i am going to faint ..if she won't stop now. So i teased her " dude, you are behaving like a typical married women , all you talk about is married life, why don't you join a married people club. She got so angry listening to this, that she ended the call and texted me a long message that i always make fun of her(which is not true) and that i am the only friend of her that's why she shares these things with me and she feels like that i no longer want to be friend of her. To be honest i felt so bad. This was the first time she texted me something like this in 12 years.I realised my mistake SO i tried to call her 5-6 times but she kept on rejecting my calls. I texted her a long message that how sorry i am,I never had any intention to hurt you,at least talk to me, i was only teasing you but from now on i will never do that again, i will never cross my limits,i will be more understanding towards you, You mean a lot to me as friend.I texted her more. she said right now she doesn't want to talk but she will call me tomorrow. It's been a week, i am yet to receive her call. i don't know what to do ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2018): I am sure you will hear back from her at some point. But it's little wonder she only has one friend, why would anyone want to be friends with someone who only goes on about their own lives?
If I was you I would look at ways of making new friends and keep this one at a distance, sorry but she doesn't sound like she is a good friend at all, I bet the helping each other out was a two way thin.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (16 June 2018):
 Is this lady YOUR only friend too? I ask because you sound just like SHE did when she was engaged. Your whole post was about how bored you are of your conversations with her and how you have been slowly distancing yourself from her, yet you are desperate to stay friends with her.
Sometimes friendships run their course and fizzle out. You two were close for years but your lives have now gone different ways and you no longer have much in common. If she has no other friends, that is not YOUR problem. SHE needs to ask herself WHY she has no other friends. Perhaps everyone else is less tolerant than you and just bored to death with her self-obsessed ramblings? Yes, you may have had each other's backs in years gone by, but that does not mean you OWE her your time if you are bored with her and she drains you, which is sounds like she does.
I once read that there are THREE types of friends: a friend for a REASON, a friend for a SEASON or a friend for a LIFETIME. This lady sounds like she was one of the first two. I copied this for you, which I believe may help you.
"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas."
This "friend" is draining you of your energy. That is NEVER a good sign. For me THAT is the sign I need to let a friendship go. You are getting little, if any, joy from your contact. You feel drained by her. It doesn't sound like she supports you in return. Sweetheart, this is not a friendship. This is just a drain on your time and energy.
In your shoes, I would simply cut contact and move on. Even if she phoned, I would reject her call. She is "punishing" you for daring to say something about her bad behaviour. She can only do this if YOU view it as punishment. Personally I would feel relief and enjoy the new-found freedom from her ramblings. You sound like a good friend but this lady is using you as a doormat. Connect with friends who make your life better, who make you laugh and smile, who remind you what friendship SHOULD be like. You do not owe her anything.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (16 June 2018):
 Don't do anything because you haven't said anything wrong. Friendship is a two-way street but right now the way she's going, it's all about her. She's old enough to realise her mistake and if she doesn't then too bad. The more you apologize, the now you make her feel like the victim and the one who's wronged when she's none of that.
Just play it cool and when she does call, have a frank talk with her, rationally and without apologizing or behaving like you've done something wrong. Tell her what you've told us- that it just feels like the friendship has gotten lost amongst all the marital talk. She should look at things from your perspective as well... since you're not married you can't relate to many of the things that she tells you. While you're always there for her, it's a little difficult to be involved in things that are of absolutely no interest to you - a complete outsider to her family's affairs. And it's not even right!
Hope things work out for you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2018): Relax and wait. Nothing eventful has happened in her life. She's also giving you the silent-treatment. She knows how to make you feel guilty and play on your emotions.
Just go about life. You're her best and only friend. You have to disagree sometimes. Take a breather and listen intently when she calls with more news on married-life! She'll hold-out until she's filled to the brim and can't hold-back. You're going to get an ear-full in the next few days, or a week at best.
You're getting a "time-out!"
Now you know how to get a break. Tease her! Don't be cruel!
Best of luck, my dear!
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