A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Help! Backstory, I have social anxiety disorder and recovering from a 2 year depression. I am making progress with my therapist but it hasn't been easy. I wear my heart on my sleeve and friends in the past have taken advantage of this, which has lead to my social withdrawal, among other compounding factors which make me feel powerless.So to explain I have a friend 'ABC', who I'm acquainted with through an old party friend '123', of one of my past exes. When I was friends with 123 years ago I was a party animal and at the time I drowned my fears of the world with lots of drink and smoke to numb the day to day. Since years have changed me and I realize that shit needed to stop, I've stopped drinking, smoke less and am healthier. I'm still a very sensitive introverted person, I like that my circle has become intimate with people who really make me a better person, but it's hard to not hurt someone's feelings.This 'friend', ABC, who reaches out to me almost EVERY DAY is stressing me out. I don't want to be an asshole but I don't want to completely abandon her.Details of ABC: (my paranoia can't help but scream she's like Selena's biggest fan and murderer, I hide online so she doesn't see me *tear*) She's not even 21 yet. She has a baby who has a disease and needs more care than the average 2 year old. She didn't complete school, gained drug addictions and at a very young age met my old partying friend 123, who honestly can only get a girl he can control; young, dumb, and naive. I'm kinda cool with my old friend 123 but we've gently grown apart because of life and shit, but I still consider him a friend. At one point he was being a stupid spiteful prick, withholding money from her and the baby and keeping her from going to school to better her self. I want to uplift her, but I don't want to offend 123. ABC, though in a shit situation is a spoiled immature girl who reaches out to people to keep her company since she can't leave to house because of the baby. She can't get daycare because she lives with him and he refuses to go through the loop hole of child support so she could get the aid she needs to get out and start her life. Although I see this fire in her to want more, she seems more preoccupied with partying; which is okay for a 20 something to be doing to personal extents, but not when you have a sick baby. She asks me all the time to come and chill/smoke with her but that's not what I'm trying to do right now. I'm trying to make amends for the years I gave to others, to reclaim my life as I want it to be.My therapist suggested to tell her I'm busy constantly. She's not deterred over 3 months of excuses. Though I've chilled with her about 5 times within that. She only wants to complain about her situation and I'm not the only one giving her advice, but she seems to have her mind made up. So 123 is going back to jail soon and she's excited to be free for her 21st, but I wonder how much longer can I put up with this? She's a nice person with fucked up priorities and I'd be down to be more involved potentially in a few years when she's had more time to develop but until then, how can I tell her that I need space? the kind of space my introverted mind needs to heal without her seeing it as abandonment and taking it personally. And that right now she is making my anxiety flare daily. I know it's as easy as 'being honest' or whatever, but when my heart and tongue are tied, what can I say?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2014): I think you should tell her the truth.
She needs to get her prioritories sorted out and fast.
You will be doing yourself and her the greatest favour by telling her she needs to - suggest a month or so break from her, and if she doesn't get back in touch - she has made a lifestyle choice and your rid of her, if she has made changes all the better for both of you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 February 2014):
 what you do is take care of yourself.
since being busy is interspersed with doing things with her you have effectively taught her that badgering you to do stuff works... that eventually you give in.
A FRIEND supports you she does not add to your discomfort.
Tell this "friend" that you need to take care of yourself and you are going "off the grid" for a while. Then block her on social media and get on with your life.
IF she asks you can say "it's about me needing to be selfish right now" if you don't want to tell her the truth.
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