A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have being dating my coworker for 3 months. we've told no one in order to avoid possible problems related to office romance etc. Everything works out fine, except that my best work mate is in love with my boyfriend. She'll always ask him to hang out, make him dinner/bring him lunch, tag along everywhere we go. I can't really blame her since she knows nothing and three of us were good friends before we started dating. But it's driving me insane now, she's always so flirty and giddy around him (well my boyfriend is to blame too since he's the flirty type).I can't confront him because I don't think there is anything 'tangible' going on between them despite that he really likes her (not in a romantic way, I don't think), and he hates drama and jealousy. But she's ALWAYS around and acts like he's hers,I have to sneak around in order to see him. I feel like I am the mistress! I like her as a friend and she has great personality don't want to lose/hurt her, can't tell her the truth now either cz it'll be really awkward after...Can't stand this ! Any advice?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (31 August 2012):
 Then losing her friendship is the risk you will have to take. From what you've described in your follow up, it might be more of a blessing than a curse. I understand the temptation to avoid the headache and keep this to yourself, but you would be sacrificing what is right for what is convenient. Peace at all costs is not peace. It's appeasement.Emotional people aren't more sensitive than others. They're just more selfish. They use a fragile facade to coerce others into caving in to their demands. If people take her side it is not because they agree with her and feel sorry for her but because they know they cannot reason with her so they expect others to be extra reasonable to compensate. Kind of like holding the older sibling responsible every time there is a dispute by claiming they 'know better'.Eventually someone has to break the cycle. It might as well be you. You have done nothing wrong. Nothing to apologize for so don't. Be calm, compassionate but firm and matter of fact. If people see you as confident in your relationship, unwilling to budge yet still friendly they might get fed up with her and support you.
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (31 August 2012):
Tell your boyfriend that he needs to tell your friend that he has a girlfriend. Make sure he tells her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): The problem is that three of us do work together and she's a very emotional person(nearly had a breakdown the other day) and it's more than just a crush I really can't imagine the outcome of me confessing to her. For sure work is going to be hell, she'll feel betrayed and foolish and act like a victim (ppl usually take her side, since she's like the sweetest girl, seriously I almost feel guilty as if I've 'stole' her man), our friendship will be over.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (31 August 2012):
The whole point of concealing your relationship is to avoid problems, but it's starting to cause more than it's avoiding. Maybe in the beginning when you were only just starting to date, but not now.
If you two broke up now it would still be awkward at work, but the pressure of maintaining the secret would make it that much more difficult.
At the very least you should tell your girl friend. The longer this flirting goes on the stronger their feelings are going to get and the more foolish she is going to feel when she learns the truth.
By all means tell your boyfriend to tone it down, but don't get into a long discussion about it or accuse him of wrong doing. It's confrontational and he'll get his back up. Be matter of fact, brief and focus on what you THINK of it and not on how you feel. It will be harder for him to accuse you of being jealous and emotional if you're calm and say very little.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 August 2012):
Does this friend of yours work with the two of you? If she doesn't I can't see why she can't know. If she does work with you two, do you think you can trust her with the knowledge?
I think your BF might be a little oblivious to how she feels. So I would talk to him and maybe he can dial down the flirting with her a bit. You could tell him to tell her he has a GF.
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