A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My best friend of 4 years has just told me she is now friends again with the abusive man she has dated in the past. I'm not sure if i want to call him a boyfriend because he never acknowledged her in public or called her his girlfriend. Instead they would meet up for sex or he would call her over when he was drunk and feed her false hopes. This man is married well was at the time of them first meeting. Up until the start of the new year he has dragged her through and hell and back and I was there to pick her up and I and other friends would tell her to cut off contact with him. So about 3 months ago she finally to my knowledge "cut him off". Now he is back in the picture. I almost want to stop talking to her or cut her off because I can't deal with hearing her complain about him again. Thats what she does she complains about the guys who enter her life and refuses to take advice. I don't want to lose her as a friend but I don't want to hear about this guy again. Should i change the topic as soon as he is brought up?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTalked with my friend and found out that she will not be seeing this man again, who btw is back with his wife. I hope now she can one day find a great guy
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2012): Well some girls do it for the attension but to put youself in that situation is stupid u tell her that she is being stupid and if she wants a guy who's abusive then don't complain about it to u and if she wants help out of course your there 4 her but u can't hear about ur friend in this situation bc u care about her and it bothers u 2 c her put herself into this situation maybe she will stop maybe she won't but u can't help someone who don't want it beleave me been there!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2012): "Should i change the topic as soon as he is brought up?"
Nope, tell her once and make sure she knows you're only going to tell her once that you do not want to hear anything about this guy, ever. You detest him and you don't want him in your life even as a topic of conversation. You've said all you can about him, you're tired of repeating yourself, end of story.
I had a friend in the exact same situation, for about a year she continued so I told her that. I told her I wasn't going to let him continue hurt me by making a person I care abouts life a misery.
It did come down to me cutting contact for a while, some people have to grow out of it themselves and when they do reconnect.
Think of her as a heroin addict that keeps stealing your shit to buy it, the only difference is she's leeching your emotions and support to give her the strength to carry on being and idiot. A good friend knows when to back right off to protect the relationship.
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