A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My friend is really starting to annoy me and I need to know how to sort this out!We're both 19 and I am the more sensible one. I'm at uni, in a steady relationship and basically have my head screwed on. I want a good life and am working towards that. I'm not boring though, we do have a good laugh and some top nights out. I just get the right balance of work and play.My best friend, however, has worked since she left school. She doesn't have a boyfriend but sleeps with guys she knows, who are complete idiots! She recently got pregnant and had an abortion because she doesn't make the guys use a condom! She has no self esteem at all.I am her best friend and want her to be happy but no matter what advice I give her, she never listens. I know she has to live her own life but it's frustrating me now and I'm getting to the point where I can't be near her, I just want to shake her!I thought the abortion would make her sort her life out and she said it would but it would seem it hasn't. The guy who got her pregnant ignored her all the time she was pregnant and didn't show an interest. This hurt her a lot and she said she never wanted to see him again. The other day, I find out she's still in contact with him!!!I want to be there for her but sometimes, I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. I'm a good friend but she needs some serious help. She thinks this is all a joke but I want her to sort herself out. I'm scared this is going to be her life forever and she's worth more than that. Help!
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abortion, best friend, condom, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2006): Then what u can do alternatively is listen to her and stop giving her advice. If she asks you, "What should I do?!?" Then you say it bluntly to her, "I'm not sure any more. You continue to put yourself in these positions. It doesn't matter what I think you should do. Just do what you think you want to do." If she rebuttles, then reply with, "I am here for you, but the life is yours. If you want a shoulder to cry on, I'm here. If you want to vent your anger and frustrations, I'm here. If you want laugh and share your silly experiences, I'm here."
[laughs] I have a 'friend' that is exactly like her. Had two kids, one when she was barely 18, and a second when she was 20. Went through so much crap throughout the years, had bad self-esteem, no emotional support, a total retard when come to spending money, no post-sec education... I stopped giving her advice after the 2nd child. Just asked her generic questions - eg: "How have u been?" "How the kids doing?" "How are your parents doing?" Etc.
Mind you, she FINALLY got it together - after about 8 years later. She got her HS diploma at a college, is doing general studies, working part-time, trying to save to try fashion design school. BUT you know what's funny and unrelated? Her daughter calls her by her first name half the time...
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