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female
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*ew York Girl
writes: Me and my fiancee are planning our wedding. We have been together a little bit over 5 years and 1 1/2 years engaged. But he still has an album in his bedroom with pictures of his ex girlfriends,(8-15 years old pics). I saw these pictures when we first start dating,but it didnt bother me much,as these girls belonged to the past. He also told me he will get rid of them and some more stuff he has in a safe box when we get married. Few days ago i asked him to look at them again, and these pics did bother me a lot. I asked him to get rid of them now.,.his answer was the same ...before we get married..is he for real?..we have been engaged for so long now...i left his house all upset...and last night he came over my house and his logic really upset me again...he doesnt wanna get rid of them until we get married. I got rid of my stuff (old pics and letters) few years ago. Well i sent them at my mom's in Europe..but at least i was smart enough not to let him see them, as i thought was gonna be unrespectful to him. Anyway, i got so upset at him again last night so i gave him the ring back..he got up and left...what should i do? am i overreacting, or this is upsetting? what the heck he is waiting for....is he gonna get rid of these pics one day before i walk down the aisle...or should i just walk out his path?Please help...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2006): I think you are really overreacting and that what you are asking him is really not fair. You should not feel threatened by these girls, they are not girls he dated last year. I think that he sould be alowed to keep memories of his past and it shouldn't bother him, they are part of him, they made him learn a lot and he is the way he is with you because of this. If I were him, not to be too mean I would never do it. My father, who has been married with my mom for 25 yeatr, and with her for 30 still has some, and it doesn't bother anyone because she knows he loves her. To be honest, I feel that you have other problems with him, maybe a feeling that he is not so into you. You should try and ask yourself questions, he wants to marry you, share his life with YOu, he could just back out now if he did not want too, but no he wants to be with you. Maybe it's you, you want to pick fights about somthing that is completly irrelevent to your relationship. If it was a picture of a mistress, I would say that he shoudl trow them out. But you guys shoudl be able to be honnest and confortable enough to be able to keep you secret things with you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2006): at least he's not being deceitful. did you tell him you kept yours? it's really lame of you to expect him to throw away his stuff if you aren't throwing away your stuff. i don't see why either of you need to keep pics of old flames. maybe its a good thing you gave back the ring until you guys can work through problems like these. sounds like there is enough stress in your lives without adding the complications of planning a wedding. remember, relationships are based around honesty.
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