A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Let me start by saying that English is not my first language, so I'm trying really hard to express myself correctly. And please keep in mind through my text that I'm really really shy and always afraid that my friends will leave me.So...I have this guy friend, we get along really well and he's a really good friend, but things are getting more and more uncomfortable day by day.He started hugging me too much (it would be nice if the hugs were friendly, but they are kind of affectionate). He takes my hand a lot, he compliments me all of the time, saying that I'm cute, funny, nice, that he wouldn't be anyone without me. And one thing that I completely despise is that he's always making sexual comments.I want to be friends ONLY. Nothing more and he seems to want something. I like him as a friend and enjoy when he's being a friend only, but when he does this kind of stuff I feel really uncomfortable and just want to run away from him.When he starts touching me, I tell him to stop in the nicest way that I can find, because I still want the friendship, I just want the courting to go away. I don't want to hurt him, I just want to find a way to make him stop.I have thought that maybe he does all of these things because he's lonely, I'm literally the only good friend he has in this town. He's all alone here, no parents, nothing.But still, I'm here for him anytime, but I think he's crossing the friendship boundaries and I do not want that (besides, I have a boyfriend whom I REALLY REALLY LOVE and my friend KNOWS that I'm not single.)I just want to get out of this situation withou hurting anyone. Does anyone here have a suggestion of what to do?Thank you :)
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 December 2012):
 I think you must realize that you probably will end up losing this friendship anyway. Because , apparently, this guy does not want friendship from you - he is courting you, he wants more. So he is being " friendly " just as an excuse to be close to you and touch you etc., and see what happens. The day he will finally realize that he has no chances and he is not getting any, I bet all his friendship will just disappear in a flash. Because his interest is not friendly - it's romantic, or maybe just sexual.
I mean, really, what male friend- if he was really just a friend- would make sexual comments and innuendos with his female friend, particularly if she makes clear that it makes her uncomfortable.
He is trying his luck, that's all. And by your niceness and meekness you are encourahing him. You have a boyfriend , after all, ( I guess he is not around too often, otherwise you would not have all these occasions to hug and hold hands with male friends ) , and so first of all you've got to worry about not hurting or disrespecting HIM.
Make an effort to be more assertive- tell him that you don't like when he hugs you or holds your hand or brings up sexual stuff, and that he needs to respect boundaries, because his behaviour , as much as it could be innocent in his mind ( yeah right... but let's give him the benefit of the doubt ) is inappropriate, uncomfortable and downright ANNOYING for a girl who already has a boyfriend and wants no special closeness with other guys.
Either he is really a friend and will understand and change his tune, or- more probably, will promptly exit your life, demonstrating therefore that he was looking for other than just friendship.
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