A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is going threw a really stressful time. For one he lost his job and is unemployed, was kicked out of his apt recently and now his dog has to be put down. We where suppose to see each other yesterday and he just never showed up. I got really angry and sent him some inbox's on how it made me fell ( probably a bit irrational at the time) ... he finally talked to me today and told me the news about his dog. If I had known that's why he was ditching me I would of understood. I mean, he hasn't seen me for 2 weeks because of all the stress and he's barley spoken to me. I feel so bad I just want to be there for him and help him threw his hard times but he just seems to keep pushing me away. Even though he tells me he loves me and wants to spend his life with me... When I said I wanted to help and be supportive he responded " your my girlfriend not my crutches"I honestly don't know what to do... How should I act in this situation? If I give him his space won't he just push me away more?Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2012): 2 mistakes:
1- Never try to help a man if he didn't ask for help. You will hurt his feelings. Men don't want women to feel sorry for them. Men want women to understand them.
2- Apparently, you prosecute before you investigate.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2012): If he's pushing you away its because you're not respecting his need to be left alone therefore he's forced to create the space from you that he needs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2012): You should give him space because that's what he wants. Anything else will not help just hinder and will be more for your own benefit than his as the only reason you dont want to leave him alone is so you can feel better about yourself. If you actually cared about him you would understand his wish to have space.
Also he probably wants space from you because of how you mistreated him. He misses an appointment with you and your first action is to get mad and lash out at him? How selfish!! Didn't it occur to you he might have got in a car accident or had a family emergency which - guess what - it turns out he did as his poor dog was dying. But no its all about you. You need to learn more compassion and see things from his perspective not just be focused on how you want him to be.
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